I think smart girls will never be with someone perfect.
I mean, think about it. They’re minds are always running, always thinking of new things, always getting bored so easily. That’s why they need someone who has flaws.
There has to be something to look for, something to have to find each day to make everything more special. We can’t just have everything in front of us. That’s boring.
There’s also that whole “looks” thing. People shouldn’t judge when they see some gorgeous girl with a not so gorgeous guy, or vise versa.
When did we all become so shallow?
Why isn’t it possible for people to go out with whoever they want regardless of their looks? Why should we have to be embarrassed to show pictures or facebooks or whatever it is?
Can’t we be with someone for who they are inside?
I for one don’t really care about looks. Part of the reason being that most guys with good looks can be cocky douche bags.
I mean you see this gorgeous guy, and when he opens his mouth, he’s automatically “okay looking.” Then he gets into conversation with you, and he’s… “ugly”.
You see this not so handsome guy, he opens his mouth and is cute, then you guys spend the whole night talking and he’s gorgeous…or just the guy for you.
Nobody should only look at what’s on the outside; how much somebody works out, whitens their teeth, or how tight their shirt is. In the end it really does not come down to that.
That whole “she deserves better” term doesn’t really mean anything unless the guy is abusive, disrespectful, hurting her etc.
If he’s not on the cute side, or the extremely romantic type or any of those “luxuries”, we shouldn’t complain unless they’re necessities to us. But believe it or not there are people who don’t need roses or shiny jewelry to make them happy. Maybe that girl doesn’t need anything but for her boyfriend to just be there for her whenever.
So when you see some pretty girl with a guy who doesn’t look so great, think twice. Maybe there’s something about him that is pretty cool.
But enough of me trying to be a love doctor.
It is officially the last day of 2009. And I gotta tell you, I don’t feel any different.
This whole “can’t wait for the new year, it’ll be better than this year” thing is kind of overrated.
I mean is anybody really gonna wake up tomorrow feeling any different?
It’s not like we’re gonna sprout superpowers or have our lives do a 360.
Time is an illusion.
And of course we’re all excited because we think that we’re gonna have new beginnings. Which is fine, it’s human to hope we’ll have a better year or we’re actually gonna follow through our resolutions, but life is life and it goes day by day.
We don’t really feel it go by until we look back on the last day of the year and go “Wow. It’s been a year. Oh well time to get drunk.”
I don’t know. Just my philosophy.
But I guess the idea of a clean slate is what makes people so excited. So yeah, I understand.
I don’t get people. Does anyone?
I’ve honestly come to the conclusion that I will never figure out why they do the things they do. Whether it’s for fun, for satisfaction, I think they will always find some way to baffle me completely.
I hate when people do bad things to other people and use excuses for it. As if their excuse would automatically cancel out what they just did to hurt that person.
I’m not a person of excuses so I don’t really take them when someone does something bad.
Sympathy should be earned right? Not just taken or used to someone’s advantage.
You can’t abuse your sympathy because after a while, no ones really going to care anymore whether you were a victim or whatever it might be, if you keep doing bad things.
For example if someone has had a bad past why should there be any reason for that person to make someone else’s life hell? Just because theirs wasn’t that great?
Nobody on this earth has automatic permission to ruin somebody else’s life. No matter how much unhappiness they’ve been through.
I’m close to people who have been severely abused and neglected as children and they would never even think of bringing someone else down for their own satisfaction. They just focus on bringing themselves up. Which is why they’re so successful in life.
As stupid as it sounds I’ll use an example from America’s Next Top Model.
Yeah, yeah. I know.
I watched that show for so long and I noticed that all the girls, who wished bad things upon other girls, lost. The ones who said “she shouldn’t win” went home first.
And the ones who were happy for everyone and didn’t get mingled into anything are the ones who won.
I just always feel like that’s the example that makes me think- people who hate upon others for being happy or maybe even better than them at some things will always end up miserable. Happiness can only be found within yourself. If you’re happy with yourself there shouldn’t be any reason to make others unhappy.
But like I said if someone is bothering you because they’re jealous or unhappy with their lives- Let karma do its work and just ignore the small people. You know where they’ll end up thinking the way they do. And they will get their fair share of life biting them in the butt. No need to get your panties in a bunch.
But it is time to celebrate the fact that we have lived one more year in our lives. That we have had a whole year of great experiences, bad experiences, lessons, and of course the new people we’ve met along our journey through life.
So party it up, live it up, “up” whatever you may need.
I’m just worried how long it will take me to stop erasing the “09” on the date of my paper when I forget to write a “10”.
RIP 2009, we’ll miss you.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Revolutionist Wannabe.
Anger is something that can completely destroy a person.
It could make someone go insane, or even appear to be insane when they’re not.
Anger turns you into a monster.
Of course, our examples of anger consist of the Hulk, who turns into a green giant when he gets upset.
This whole shirt ripping, muscle growing nonsense only misleads us.
Then again it is a metaphor for how dumb people look when they get as angry as the Hulk.
“Do I look like that when I’m angry? Do I appear to be that scary?”
I guess they were just trying to say: Don’t become like the Hulk if you become upset.
Deal with your problems in a less barbaric way.
But of course; nobody gets this message.
I mean it’s like everyday there is more and more violence in the world. People turn to it for comfort, for closure. Boyfriend cheated on you with a girl? Well beat her face in. That’ll make you feel better right?
I just don’t understand why some people have to see someone bleeding or rolling around and crying to feel satisfaction.
I always say the best revenge is to just not do anything and let karma do it for you.
I mean watching some people yelling at each other like barbarians, like animals, threatening, teaming up on people and just beating them up; personally I think it’s disgusting and sad. What have we turned into? It's like we've taken a round about trip back into the stone age where we didn't use words, just hit each other with sticks.
It’s like nobody can treat a situation normally anymore.
Even some adults cannot act adult in a situation.
Is it so hard to apologize? To talk things out?
Apparently it is. And you have to end up with a bloody nose and a busted lip in order to have “solved things”.
Nowadays mostly everyone just veers their energy toward hate and discrimination, and violence. Can you believe all this energy that goes into protests against gays, or hate speeches against celebrities? Violent revolts and gatherings? It’s enough to power the entire world for ages.
I don’t get why we can’t just focus all that energy into love. Into hope and peace.
Yeah yeah, as cheesy as it sounds, we all know the world could use a lot more of it.
I think that’s why people like Gandhi and the Dalai Lama are so significant. Because they’re one of the few people in this world that have devoted their lives to peace and just loving one another.
We definitely need more of em.
Anger can eat you up inside when you don’t know how to express it.
What a lot of people don’t know is, you can let out your anger through something positive.
"What? Impossible."
Eh.
I mean come on, everyone has that one thing that just evokes their emotions and makes them feel completely relieved after doing.
Whether it’s chopping wood, writing, singing, dancing, driving, hell even sex.
They’re all better than violence itself. And they get rid of the same anger you have inside.
And I think we need to spend more time trying to spread love and good energy rather than all this irritation and rage that seems to be traveling faster than that damn Swine Flu.
But enough of me trying to change the world. We all know it’ll never happen.
After all people thrive on violence and drama.
And without them, love wouldn’t even exist. We’d all just be hippies floating around from one place to another.
Then again, that doesn’t seem so bad either.
It could make someone go insane, or even appear to be insane when they’re not.
Anger turns you into a monster.
Of course, our examples of anger consist of the Hulk, who turns into a green giant when he gets upset.
This whole shirt ripping, muscle growing nonsense only misleads us.
Then again it is a metaphor for how dumb people look when they get as angry as the Hulk.
“Do I look like that when I’m angry? Do I appear to be that scary?”
I guess they were just trying to say: Don’t become like the Hulk if you become upset.
Deal with your problems in a less barbaric way.
But of course; nobody gets this message.
I mean it’s like everyday there is more and more violence in the world. People turn to it for comfort, for closure. Boyfriend cheated on you with a girl? Well beat her face in. That’ll make you feel better right?
I just don’t understand why some people have to see someone bleeding or rolling around and crying to feel satisfaction.
I always say the best revenge is to just not do anything and let karma do it for you.
I mean watching some people yelling at each other like barbarians, like animals, threatening, teaming up on people and just beating them up; personally I think it’s disgusting and sad. What have we turned into? It's like we've taken a round about trip back into the stone age where we didn't use words, just hit each other with sticks.
It’s like nobody can treat a situation normally anymore.
Even some adults cannot act adult in a situation.
Is it so hard to apologize? To talk things out?
Apparently it is. And you have to end up with a bloody nose and a busted lip in order to have “solved things”.
Nowadays mostly everyone just veers their energy toward hate and discrimination, and violence. Can you believe all this energy that goes into protests against gays, or hate speeches against celebrities? Violent revolts and gatherings? It’s enough to power the entire world for ages.
I don’t get why we can’t just focus all that energy into love. Into hope and peace.
Yeah yeah, as cheesy as it sounds, we all know the world could use a lot more of it.
I think that’s why people like Gandhi and the Dalai Lama are so significant. Because they’re one of the few people in this world that have devoted their lives to peace and just loving one another.
We definitely need more of em.
Anger can eat you up inside when you don’t know how to express it.
What a lot of people don’t know is, you can let out your anger through something positive.
"What? Impossible."
Eh.
I mean come on, everyone has that one thing that just evokes their emotions and makes them feel completely relieved after doing.
Whether it’s chopping wood, writing, singing, dancing, driving, hell even sex.
They’re all better than violence itself. And they get rid of the same anger you have inside.
And I think we need to spend more time trying to spread love and good energy rather than all this irritation and rage that seems to be traveling faster than that damn Swine Flu.
But enough of me trying to change the world. We all know it’ll never happen.
After all people thrive on violence and drama.
And without them, love wouldn’t even exist. We’d all just be hippies floating around from one place to another.
Then again, that doesn’t seem so bad either.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Hey, I Can See It.
It's odd how emotionally selfish some people can be. How they'll do anything to feel what they want to feel. Even if it does mean hurting those around them, or isolating themselves from the world.
They could be stressed and want to feel relief, could be upset and want to feel reassurance, and by god they will do anything to get that satisfaction. They will hurt, take, ignore, use, anything.
Then again, that's how we all are. We just don't see it.
I'm watching Psycho in my theatre class.
A "classic".
What bothers me is that so many movies thought of as "classics" are extremely boring. I mean they'll have their interesting or maybe even mindblowing moments but there's just so much talking and music and...what was I saying again? I dozed off.
Ah well it's time for the holidays.
A time for cold nights and the smell of christmas trees. A time for presents and holiday songs on the radio. A time for hot chocolate and christmas cookies.
Things that make us feel...fuzzy.
And despite the holiday spirit and cheer that envelops everyone's soul during this time, some people would rather not go through the loud grandmothers that do nothing but squeeze your cheek and say "look how much you've grown!" over and over again throughout the night, or the family disputes. The uncle who always has to talk about politics, the histarical aunt who walks away from the table. The grandma looking at you with puppy dog eyes asking why you're not eating when you've just devoured twice your body weight.
But I think that's what makes Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza so nice. Because we don't get it all the time. And those moments are precious. If we had em all the time they wouldn't stand out as much.
Ugh I sound like a Hallmark card.
I guess it makes us thankful. For being able to spend time with our family... or for only seeing them once a year.
It's tradition. And where would we be without tradition?
When did I turn into Topol?
Oh people are so dumb.
I searched "how to" on google and before I typed another word, the first suggestion there was "how to become a vampire".
Are people serious?
....so I clicked on it.
And there were these girls pleading, saying they'd do anything to turn into one and get "bit".
This shocked me on so many levels, but what shocked me more were the links posted on how to tell if you, or someone else, is a real vampire. Apparently there are real ones in the world.
...I know right?
But they're not the immortal, shiny, red eyed, fanged whatevers they're portrayed as.
They claim to be... semi normal people, who are usually pale, and some have a craving for blood. Others just have psychicness.
It's all kind of weird but I've done my research. And I have to say... I'd believe it.
I thought it was just a mental disease until I saw one interview with an actual "vampire" who weighed 130 pounds and lifted 400 by himself. On camera. Scrawny little thing. Then he scented out fruits, meat, and other things from 5 feet away...with a blindfold.
It was all too odd.
The signs of being a vampire include: if you have a weird color around your iris, if you have exceptional vision in the dark and hearing, that people either trust you completely or not at all, if your skin turns pink when you eat meat, if you live in the darkest coldest room in the house. ...Weird stuff.
And if those signs are accurate, pretty much everyone I've dated was a bloodsucker.
And I'm one myself.
That can't be true. I mean the fact I suck the blood out of my cuts and feel a euphoric sensation that I can't describe when I taste it, can't relate to that. Let's get real.
Im kidddin.
It's only semi-euphoric.
What I've learned is that humans will never stop at just being humans. So many of us have to be something more. Something more than just...normal.
Who wants the thought of being some average joe? Hell, I'd wanna be a vampire or a fairy or a witch.
All those things seem so fascinating since we grew up with the education that they are simply impossible to achieve.
There is just no such thing.
No such thing.
What does that even mean? Well obviously that it doesn't exist, but look at these "vampires". We all thought that it was some fairytale, but now we find out there are communities of them.
What else are we going to find later on? That there are a clan of fairies living in our backyard?
No one wants to believe that. It's too close to the border of reality and fantasy. I mean wouldn't you think you were going crazy or the world was no longer the same?
But here we are pushing reality to it's borderline all the time with all the new technology, and theories, people can't just see black and white anymore, or even gray. They see pink and sparkly purple.
Because that's just the way our mind works.
We won't stop at anything to make our fantasies become reality, to be able to live in some kind of lala land. That's what we all want isn't it? That's why we believe in love, that's why we hope, that's why we dream.
Because we always know there has to be something more than we can see.
They could be stressed and want to feel relief, could be upset and want to feel reassurance, and by god they will do anything to get that satisfaction. They will hurt, take, ignore, use, anything.
Then again, that's how we all are. We just don't see it.
I'm watching Psycho in my theatre class.
A "classic".
What bothers me is that so many movies thought of as "classics" are extremely boring. I mean they'll have their interesting or maybe even mindblowing moments but there's just so much talking and music and...what was I saying again? I dozed off.
Ah well it's time for the holidays.
A time for cold nights and the smell of christmas trees. A time for presents and holiday songs on the radio. A time for hot chocolate and christmas cookies.
Things that make us feel...fuzzy.
And despite the holiday spirit and cheer that envelops everyone's soul during this time, some people would rather not go through the loud grandmothers that do nothing but squeeze your cheek and say "look how much you've grown!" over and over again throughout the night, or the family disputes. The uncle who always has to talk about politics, the histarical aunt who walks away from the table. The grandma looking at you with puppy dog eyes asking why you're not eating when you've just devoured twice your body weight.
But I think that's what makes Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza so nice. Because we don't get it all the time. And those moments are precious. If we had em all the time they wouldn't stand out as much.
Ugh I sound like a Hallmark card.
I guess it makes us thankful. For being able to spend time with our family... or for only seeing them once a year.
It's tradition. And where would we be without tradition?
When did I turn into Topol?
Oh people are so dumb.
I searched "how to" on google and before I typed another word, the first suggestion there was "how to become a vampire".
Are people serious?
....so I clicked on it.
And there were these girls pleading, saying they'd do anything to turn into one and get "bit".
This shocked me on so many levels, but what shocked me more were the links posted on how to tell if you, or someone else, is a real vampire. Apparently there are real ones in the world.
...I know right?
But they're not the immortal, shiny, red eyed, fanged whatevers they're portrayed as.
They claim to be... semi normal people, who are usually pale, and some have a craving for blood. Others just have psychicness.
It's all kind of weird but I've done my research. And I have to say... I'd believe it.
I thought it was just a mental disease until I saw one interview with an actual "vampire" who weighed 130 pounds and lifted 400 by himself. On camera. Scrawny little thing. Then he scented out fruits, meat, and other things from 5 feet away...with a blindfold.
It was all too odd.
The signs of being a vampire include: if you have a weird color around your iris, if you have exceptional vision in the dark and hearing, that people either trust you completely or not at all, if your skin turns pink when you eat meat, if you live in the darkest coldest room in the house. ...Weird stuff.
And if those signs are accurate, pretty much everyone I've dated was a bloodsucker.
And I'm one myself.
That can't be true. I mean the fact I suck the blood out of my cuts and feel a euphoric sensation that I can't describe when I taste it, can't relate to that. Let's get real.
Im kidddin.
It's only semi-euphoric.
What I've learned is that humans will never stop at just being humans. So many of us have to be something more. Something more than just...normal.
Who wants the thought of being some average joe? Hell, I'd wanna be a vampire or a fairy or a witch.
All those things seem so fascinating since we grew up with the education that they are simply impossible to achieve.
There is just no such thing.
No such thing.
What does that even mean? Well obviously that it doesn't exist, but look at these "vampires". We all thought that it was some fairytale, but now we find out there are communities of them.
What else are we going to find later on? That there are a clan of fairies living in our backyard?
No one wants to believe that. It's too close to the border of reality and fantasy. I mean wouldn't you think you were going crazy or the world was no longer the same?
But here we are pushing reality to it's borderline all the time with all the new technology, and theories, people can't just see black and white anymore, or even gray. They see pink and sparkly purple.
Because that's just the way our mind works.
We won't stop at anything to make our fantasies become reality, to be able to live in some kind of lala land. That's what we all want isn't it? That's why we believe in love, that's why we hope, that's why we dream.
Because we always know there has to be something more than we can see.
Friday, December 11, 2009
PG - 13
So I'm writing a movie.
It'll probably suck cause I have no idea what I'm doing, but it passes time.
I don't even know what it'll be about.
I guess I just need something to possibly look forward to. Like a secret dream that one day I'll be watching it on a big screen.
Speaking of big screen, lets talk about the new epidemic: Twilight.
First off, I'd like to state that I don't hate or love Twilight. It's entertaining, sure, but at the same time...completely deceiving.
The whole "guys with their shirts off in every scene" and "sexual tension between that vampire guy and the weird girl who always seems to be uneasy", is kind of addicting. No matter what show or movie you watch, if you're a teenage girl and they involve those two things, you will probably not stop watching it. Anyway because that awkward girl doesn't have much of personality, everyone can kind of mold themselves into her situation. That's why they love it- feels like it could happen to them.
Why I'm kind of against it is cause it kind of gives girls false hope. I mean they're trying to put the idea of having someone amazingly charming, mysterious, protective by their side. Basically implying that they could find that.
What's gonna happen when all these pre-pubescent girls realize that the world is filled with douche bags? When they give in to anyone who tells them they would never hurt them?
More than half of the population of guys just want to get into girls' pants. You would be more than lucky to find someone loving and charming and someone who listens to your thoughts, let alone a vampire who devotes his life to protecting you and is so in love with you he can't stand it.
I remember after I saw the first movie; I wished nothing more than my boyfriend immediately turn into a vampire. Every girl wants to feel needed and wanted and secured.
That vampire guy is the perfect image of all of those qualities. Which is why tweens eat that shit up. It's the realist fairytale they can find.
It's propaganda, or whatever it's called.
I don't get people who start "hate petitions" and stuff like that against the movies. It's a movie. They have made plenty of dumb or stupid movies that people love. Leave em alone.
And you're not "different" or "special" because you refuse to watch it. Come on.
Okay enough Twilight talk it's weirding me out.
What else to talk about...
I haven't done this in a while...
That's what she said.
It sucks how two faced people can be.
It still baffles me how somebody can say one thing to one person and flip it around behind their back.
Do they not have anything better to do than ruin someone's day? Take up dancing or knitting. They're just as satisfying.
It's funny how much people will say when they think you're not listening.
They'll say things you never even knew they were thinking.
Most of the time it's not good. Most of the time it hurts and just goes through that little part in your chest.
I think it's called your heart or something.
We're so vulnerable at this age aren't we? I mean as strong as we like to think we are, we can't defy the laws of adolescence and tell ourselves we're completely comfortable with our appearance or way of thinking.
We can't act like nothing gets to us.
Most of the time everything gets to us. Could be in a big way or a small way, but it does go through that thing in your chest.
God, what is it called again? I forgot.
Nobody understands how stressed we are. Adults just laugh it off and say it's nothing.
Can't they accept that we're not in our mid forties? We won't have the same problems they do. No financial or job problems.
We have school and grades and relationships and friendships.
So yes, a relationship ending is like the end of our world. Because that's just how it is. That's what our problems consist of.
They went through it, we all go through it. And our feelings are not to be ignored just because they're not as amplified as theirs.
It's ridiculous.
We need more sleep than infants do.
That's weird.
I remember when I was 12, my teacher told the class "oh god I remember high school. I would never ever go back to high school. It was horrible. You couldn't pay me to do that over again. Being a teenager sucked."
Thanks for the pep talk.
Eh then again he did warn us.
It wasn't like those sex ed classes in which the teachers talked to us like we were babies. "adolescence is a part of growing up!"
And we bought it.
I don't know about you, but I couldn't wait to be a teenager when I was a kid. It looked so fun, they had so many privileges.
They could wear HEELS.
Then ninth grade came.
...Yeah not all that great.
It's funny how your mind changes too as you get older.
I remember when I would see 16 year old pregnant girls when I was younger. I'd immediately think, "ugh what a whore!" or "is it that hard to use a condom?"
When you get older it becomes "oh my god, poor girl. Did the condom rip? Did she forget her pill? That must be so hard."
Because if you've had sex, you have had that pregnant scare.
Protected or not. It's almost natural to be paranoid until you find the gift mother nature drops off. And then of course we complain about it.
Okay enough sex talk, it's awkward...
Hmph. I'm fresh out of ideas.
Happy Hanukkah Jew Bagels.
It'll probably suck cause I have no idea what I'm doing, but it passes time.
I don't even know what it'll be about.
I guess I just need something to possibly look forward to. Like a secret dream that one day I'll be watching it on a big screen.
Speaking of big screen, lets talk about the new epidemic: Twilight.
First off, I'd like to state that I don't hate or love Twilight. It's entertaining, sure, but at the same time...completely deceiving.
The whole "guys with their shirts off in every scene" and "sexual tension between that vampire guy and the weird girl who always seems to be uneasy", is kind of addicting. No matter what show or movie you watch, if you're a teenage girl and they involve those two things, you will probably not stop watching it. Anyway because that awkward girl doesn't have much of personality, everyone can kind of mold themselves into her situation. That's why they love it- feels like it could happen to them.
Why I'm kind of against it is cause it kind of gives girls false hope. I mean they're trying to put the idea of having someone amazingly charming, mysterious, protective by their side. Basically implying that they could find that.
What's gonna happen when all these pre-pubescent girls realize that the world is filled with douche bags? When they give in to anyone who tells them they would never hurt them?
More than half of the population of guys just want to get into girls' pants. You would be more than lucky to find someone loving and charming and someone who listens to your thoughts, let alone a vampire who devotes his life to protecting you and is so in love with you he can't stand it.
I remember after I saw the first movie; I wished nothing more than my boyfriend immediately turn into a vampire. Every girl wants to feel needed and wanted and secured.
That vampire guy is the perfect image of all of those qualities. Which is why tweens eat that shit up. It's the realist fairytale they can find.
It's propaganda, or whatever it's called.
I don't get people who start "hate petitions" and stuff like that against the movies. It's a movie. They have made plenty of dumb or stupid movies that people love. Leave em alone.
And you're not "different" or "special" because you refuse to watch it. Come on.
Okay enough Twilight talk it's weirding me out.
What else to talk about...
I haven't done this in a while...
That's what she said.
It sucks how two faced people can be.
It still baffles me how somebody can say one thing to one person and flip it around behind their back.
Do they not have anything better to do than ruin someone's day? Take up dancing or knitting. They're just as satisfying.
It's funny how much people will say when they think you're not listening.
They'll say things you never even knew they were thinking.
Most of the time it's not good. Most of the time it hurts and just goes through that little part in your chest.
I think it's called your heart or something.
We're so vulnerable at this age aren't we? I mean as strong as we like to think we are, we can't defy the laws of adolescence and tell ourselves we're completely comfortable with our appearance or way of thinking.
We can't act like nothing gets to us.
Most of the time everything gets to us. Could be in a big way or a small way, but it does go through that thing in your chest.
God, what is it called again? I forgot.
Nobody understands how stressed we are. Adults just laugh it off and say it's nothing.
Can't they accept that we're not in our mid forties? We won't have the same problems they do. No financial or job problems.
We have school and grades and relationships and friendships.
So yes, a relationship ending is like the end of our world. Because that's just how it is. That's what our problems consist of.
They went through it, we all go through it. And our feelings are not to be ignored just because they're not as amplified as theirs.
It's ridiculous.
We need more sleep than infants do.
That's weird.
I remember when I was 12, my teacher told the class "oh god I remember high school. I would never ever go back to high school. It was horrible. You couldn't pay me to do that over again. Being a teenager sucked."
Thanks for the pep talk.
Eh then again he did warn us.
It wasn't like those sex ed classes in which the teachers talked to us like we were babies. "adolescence is a part of growing up!"
And we bought it.
I don't know about you, but I couldn't wait to be a teenager when I was a kid. It looked so fun, they had so many privileges.
They could wear HEELS.
Then ninth grade came.
...Yeah not all that great.
It's funny how your mind changes too as you get older.
I remember when I would see 16 year old pregnant girls when I was younger. I'd immediately think, "ugh what a whore!" or "is it that hard to use a condom?"
When you get older it becomes "oh my god, poor girl. Did the condom rip? Did she forget her pill? That must be so hard."
Because if you've had sex, you have had that pregnant scare.
Protected or not. It's almost natural to be paranoid until you find the gift mother nature drops off. And then of course we complain about it.
Okay enough sex talk, it's awkward...
Hmph. I'm fresh out of ideas.
Happy Hanukkah Jew Bagels.
Monday, November 30, 2009
A Healing Individualist.
So I feel like writing today.
I’m in one of those moods.
Have you ever had that “20 ton weight lifted off your shoulders” feeling?
The feeling of freedom? Of no longer having your wings clipped, or your feet tied to the ground?
I must say it’s the most refreshing feeling. Kind of like you’re born again. And nothing can stop you.
I don’t feel dead anymore; that’s a plus. It was getting kind of irritating, not being able to feel. I guess I just had to acknowledge the empty hole inside me.
See I learned from a very wise man that the reason some people may lose their emotions is because they push the pain away. They ignore the emptiness that was hollowed inside them. Once you take a second to just feel it and know it’s there, it will start to heal.
In a weird way, it gives you comfort. Just thinking of it, whether it is in your stomach, your chest, your head, you instantly feel better…kind of stronger. Like knowing it’s there will make it heal and eventually disappear. Only when you acknowledge that its there is when you will eventually stop having the need to always fill it.
Very weird to understand, I know.
Love is getting so old. I’m beginning to think it doesn’t exist anymore. That it’s all some kind of sham that God, or whatever it is, is trying to pull on us. The minute we feel it, it disappears. It’s like we can only have a taste, a whiff, before it is scooped away from beneath us. The worst is figuring out it was never there in the first place. Finding out that it was all in your head, due to your distorted view on the person. And I certainly don’t get how love can “last forever”. These stupid “Twilight” movies are putting ideas into girls’ heads and telling them that love does last forever. And you’ll find someone as charming and handsome as that Cullen dude who will love you uncontrollably and protect you and always be there.
Everything dies; why should love be any different?
So I took a personality test and found out that I have a type 4 personality. The “Individualist”. We “strive to be unique” and “original”. Weirdd.
I’ve finally learned why I’m attracted to certain boys. Boys who are…not very stable. You could be attracted to someone because subconsciously, you see yourself in them. And we all know that’s the way you connect. You go for troubled twisted guys because it’s a reflection of your dark side. You go for positive happy boys because they’re a reflection of your bright side.
We are attracted to people who have qualities similar to ours, but qualities we wish were less…dormant. For instance, if you feel like your creative side lacks attention and isn’t that great, you might be attracted to someone artistic. If you feel like your passionate ambitious side needs to be stronger, you’ll be attracted to someone who possesses those traits. All because really we’re just subconsciously living through them. I know what you’re thinking, “how is that healthy?” You should live through yourself right?
Well it’s really all subconscious. Nobody really knows they want to live through someone. And most of time if we are comfortable with ourselves, we wont. People who don’t really like themselves find themselves in situations where they are always attached to a person are those who will find someone to live through. Because they hate being alone. Why would they want to spend time with their dreaded selves?
Anyways, I’m healing. I think I’m finally on the fifth stage of grief; acceptance. Feels good to be finished with it. Isn’t that what life is about? Getting hurt and moving on? We’re gonna get hurt a lot more than we intend to be. The only part we can control is how to mend our hearts back to normal, and nurse our soul back to health.
I’m in one of those moods.
Have you ever had that “20 ton weight lifted off your shoulders” feeling?
The feeling of freedom? Of no longer having your wings clipped, or your feet tied to the ground?
I must say it’s the most refreshing feeling. Kind of like you’re born again. And nothing can stop you.
I don’t feel dead anymore; that’s a plus. It was getting kind of irritating, not being able to feel. I guess I just had to acknowledge the empty hole inside me.
See I learned from a very wise man that the reason some people may lose their emotions is because they push the pain away. They ignore the emptiness that was hollowed inside them. Once you take a second to just feel it and know it’s there, it will start to heal.
In a weird way, it gives you comfort. Just thinking of it, whether it is in your stomach, your chest, your head, you instantly feel better…kind of stronger. Like knowing it’s there will make it heal and eventually disappear. Only when you acknowledge that its there is when you will eventually stop having the need to always fill it.
Very weird to understand, I know.
Love is getting so old. I’m beginning to think it doesn’t exist anymore. That it’s all some kind of sham that God, or whatever it is, is trying to pull on us. The minute we feel it, it disappears. It’s like we can only have a taste, a whiff, before it is scooped away from beneath us. The worst is figuring out it was never there in the first place. Finding out that it was all in your head, due to your distorted view on the person. And I certainly don’t get how love can “last forever”. These stupid “Twilight” movies are putting ideas into girls’ heads and telling them that love does last forever. And you’ll find someone as charming and handsome as that Cullen dude who will love you uncontrollably and protect you and always be there.
Everything dies; why should love be any different?
So I took a personality test and found out that I have a type 4 personality. The “Individualist”. We “strive to be unique” and “original”. Weirdd.
I’ve finally learned why I’m attracted to certain boys. Boys who are…not very stable. You could be attracted to someone because subconsciously, you see yourself in them. And we all know that’s the way you connect. You go for troubled twisted guys because it’s a reflection of your dark side. You go for positive happy boys because they’re a reflection of your bright side.
We are attracted to people who have qualities similar to ours, but qualities we wish were less…dormant. For instance, if you feel like your creative side lacks attention and isn’t that great, you might be attracted to someone artistic. If you feel like your passionate ambitious side needs to be stronger, you’ll be attracted to someone who possesses those traits. All because really we’re just subconsciously living through them. I know what you’re thinking, “how is that healthy?” You should live through yourself right?
Well it’s really all subconscious. Nobody really knows they want to live through someone. And most of time if we are comfortable with ourselves, we wont. People who don’t really like themselves find themselves in situations where they are always attached to a person are those who will find someone to live through. Because they hate being alone. Why would they want to spend time with their dreaded selves?
Anyways, I’m healing. I think I’m finally on the fifth stage of grief; acceptance. Feels good to be finished with it. Isn’t that what life is about? Getting hurt and moving on? We’re gonna get hurt a lot more than we intend to be. The only part we can control is how to mend our hearts back to normal, and nurse our soul back to health.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I'm Breaking...?
Today I feel dead.
But not the good kind. Not the kind where you feel like everything is a dream and no one is real. Not like you’re floating on a cloud. But the kind where you don’t really feel anything at all. You don’t hear anyone anymore; you don’t see anything in front of you. Everything just goes right by your head and you don’t even notice it.
You become apathetic, uninterested. In pretty much everything around you.
You make decisions that are “in the moment” and not thought of. All because deep down you just want to feel alive again. And you just hope whatever you do will bring you back to life.
This feeling of being lifeless mostly occurs when something bad happens.
It’s hidden in the five stages of grief.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
I don’t really know where it fits in, but I’m pretty sure it does. Either in the very beginning, or before acceptance. Or after acceptance. Eh I guess it’s different for everyone.
Have you ever had to make a really big decision you really didn’t want to make but had to cause you knew it was right?
….(sigh) welcome to adulthood my friend. You’ll be seeing a lot of that.
The worst part is that the five stages of grief all apply even in these situations.
You’ll deny that you have to make the decision, then be angry you did make that decision, try to bargain and get yourself back into not making the decision, then become sad because you ended up doing it. And eventually you just accept it.
Happens with everything. It’s quite scary what these psychologists gather up, isn’t it?
Haven’t you ever felt it before? I can’t be alone here. I think I’m on the fourth one, on the verge of the fifth. Not feeling sorry for myself but just feeling…dead. Maybe this lifeless feeling is just getting in the way of me even feeling all these stages.
See feeling dead comes by when you’ve given up. When everything kind of stops and you say, “you know what? I’m exhausted.”
It shows up that week you’ve been piled with work, and your relationship just isn’t working out, and your home life is hard. It sneaks its way into your soul and just takes over. Kind of like a cartoon. A grey entity that slowly envelops your red heart.
Then again, that’s how death really is.
This is kind of scaring me.
I’m not making any sense.
I’d really love to talk about this whole “Adam Lambert Gay Controversy Nonsense Publicity Stunt Ruining Career Although Nobody Really Cares” situation.
Gays are suddenly becoming defensive because people are willing to say that what Lambert did onstage was “gross” or “disgusting”.
And I’d have to agree.
Not because he’s gay, or kissing a person of the same sex- I couldn’t really care less.
But because of the way he acted during his performance. That was probably the most vulgar, and trashiest thing I’ve ever seen an artist do. Especially at the beginning of his career.
It doesn’t matter if he was straight or gay; kissing a boy or girl- it was just awkward and un-classy.
Lewd gestures and off key notes galore. Not only was it a bad singing performance but it was just overall, bad. If I saw any artist, or any person for that matter, acting like he did onstage, I would be disgusted and turned off. I tell you, I changed the channel after he sang about 3 lines. Because I could tell it would suck.
Didn’t even see the kiss on TV, had to look it up on YouTube.
I mean, what do people have to do nowadays to get fans? To get publicity? Record sales?
Music isn’t even about the music anymore. It’s not. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s all about the fame and the money. There’s barely any real talent out there anymore.
Anyway, now Perez Hilton is going all “everyone is anti gay!” on the world because of Lambert’s performance and its backlash. I get that gays are often attacked, but this time it’s not even about his sexuality; but the fact that he did something very inappropriate-and they’re still fighting back. You don’t always have to be on your toes, ready to jump out at anyone. I’m sure if it was anyone, if Britney spears had done that to a boy, put his face to her crotch, people would still be saying “what a trashy performance.” This was only amplified because society hasn’t really seen that before.
Not to mention this was –what? His first performance?
Not a very good start. I don’t care who he is. Girl or boy, straight or gay- it was just trashy. And people need to get over themselves.
I feel like being harsh today.
I get to be harsh today. I was spoken to and treated harshly; therefore I get to be a meanie.
Eh most of the time my own sadness is my fault. That’s most cases at this point in our lives. But no matter what, we always stick to our hard headed opinion.
People are dumb. They’re just put on the planet to make our life complicated. After all, we don’t do it ourselves. That would be preposterous.
But not the good kind. Not the kind where you feel like everything is a dream and no one is real. Not like you’re floating on a cloud. But the kind where you don’t really feel anything at all. You don’t hear anyone anymore; you don’t see anything in front of you. Everything just goes right by your head and you don’t even notice it.
You become apathetic, uninterested. In pretty much everything around you.
You make decisions that are “in the moment” and not thought of. All because deep down you just want to feel alive again. And you just hope whatever you do will bring you back to life.
This feeling of being lifeless mostly occurs when something bad happens.
It’s hidden in the five stages of grief.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
I don’t really know where it fits in, but I’m pretty sure it does. Either in the very beginning, or before acceptance. Or after acceptance. Eh I guess it’s different for everyone.
Have you ever had to make a really big decision you really didn’t want to make but had to cause you knew it was right?
….(sigh) welcome to adulthood my friend. You’ll be seeing a lot of that.
The worst part is that the five stages of grief all apply even in these situations.
You’ll deny that you have to make the decision, then be angry you did make that decision, try to bargain and get yourself back into not making the decision, then become sad because you ended up doing it. And eventually you just accept it.
Happens with everything. It’s quite scary what these psychologists gather up, isn’t it?
Haven’t you ever felt it before? I can’t be alone here. I think I’m on the fourth one, on the verge of the fifth. Not feeling sorry for myself but just feeling…dead. Maybe this lifeless feeling is just getting in the way of me even feeling all these stages.
See feeling dead comes by when you’ve given up. When everything kind of stops and you say, “you know what? I’m exhausted.”
It shows up that week you’ve been piled with work, and your relationship just isn’t working out, and your home life is hard. It sneaks its way into your soul and just takes over. Kind of like a cartoon. A grey entity that slowly envelops your red heart.
Then again, that’s how death really is.
This is kind of scaring me.
I’m not making any sense.
I’d really love to talk about this whole “Adam Lambert Gay Controversy Nonsense Publicity Stunt Ruining Career Although Nobody Really Cares” situation.
Gays are suddenly becoming defensive because people are willing to say that what Lambert did onstage was “gross” or “disgusting”.
And I’d have to agree.
Not because he’s gay, or kissing a person of the same sex- I couldn’t really care less.
But because of the way he acted during his performance. That was probably the most vulgar, and trashiest thing I’ve ever seen an artist do. Especially at the beginning of his career.
It doesn’t matter if he was straight or gay; kissing a boy or girl- it was just awkward and un-classy.
Lewd gestures and off key notes galore. Not only was it a bad singing performance but it was just overall, bad. If I saw any artist, or any person for that matter, acting like he did onstage, I would be disgusted and turned off. I tell you, I changed the channel after he sang about 3 lines. Because I could tell it would suck.
Didn’t even see the kiss on TV, had to look it up on YouTube.
I mean, what do people have to do nowadays to get fans? To get publicity? Record sales?
Music isn’t even about the music anymore. It’s not. I don’t care what anyone says. It’s all about the fame and the money. There’s barely any real talent out there anymore.
Anyway, now Perez Hilton is going all “everyone is anti gay!” on the world because of Lambert’s performance and its backlash. I get that gays are often attacked, but this time it’s not even about his sexuality; but the fact that he did something very inappropriate-and they’re still fighting back. You don’t always have to be on your toes, ready to jump out at anyone. I’m sure if it was anyone, if Britney spears had done that to a boy, put his face to her crotch, people would still be saying “what a trashy performance.” This was only amplified because society hasn’t really seen that before.
Not to mention this was –what? His first performance?
Not a very good start. I don’t care who he is. Girl or boy, straight or gay- it was just trashy. And people need to get over themselves.
I feel like being harsh today.
I get to be harsh today. I was spoken to and treated harshly; therefore I get to be a meanie.
Eh most of the time my own sadness is my fault. That’s most cases at this point in our lives. But no matter what, we always stick to our hard headed opinion.
People are dumb. They’re just put on the planet to make our life complicated. After all, we don’t do it ourselves. That would be preposterous.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Dumb Refrigerator.
I come up with all my ideas sporadically. In the shower, right before I fall asleep, when I’m eating, every other time than when I sit down at my computer and actually want to write something.
Happens to everyone.
Is it weird that I’m never the same person each week?
Or is that how every teenager is? Trying on a new skin every couple of days, switching from this to that, their view points from here to there.
Is that… normal?
What I do know is that everyone has a double layer. No one is actually as they appear to be. We all have facades. The person we are at home is not the same person we are at school, or around friends or around our significant other. Everyone has some curtain of artificial nothings in front of them. That’s because we could not bear to show our true identities at first glance. To just put our soul on a platter and have anyone dissect it is absurd.
The truth is, no one wants to show their true selves to just anybody. The curtain only starts to open when you build a special relationship with that person. If you’re lucky.
It’s like we're turtles or something.
No one has just one person inside them. No one way of seeing things. We have tons. It’s just a matter of finding them. Saying you’re just one person, one mind, is simply ridiculous.
Then again, maybe I’m just crazy.
I'll tell you two of the sides I have. There’s the Davina who says "screw it" to everything and does what she wants for the hell of it, and the Davina who actually thinks for herself and balances out consequences.
Haven’t seen her in a while. The side I’m usually overcome by is the side that does not believe in morals or feelings. The side that wants to live in the moment and say "I’m 16 let me live!" the side that throws her hands up and says "I give up. I’ll do what I like and no one can say anything."
I’m sure I have more sides to me. Those are probably just the only two I notice.
Everyone has at least one different side to them.
No person is simply one dimensional, that’s impossible. To begin with, we all have the good and bad side. We're born with it. Ever since we were tiny beings we had these two voices. Whether it had to do with taking cookies out of the jar or going into mommy's room to try on her heels.
That’s how the little angel and demon on the shoulder came to be.
We all have that voice that just says "come on do it. Why not? It’ll be fun." and the other that argues "don’t do it, you’ll pay for it."
Who do you think adolescents listen to?
Like I said, we love a stirrup. Sometimes we complicate our lives just to complicate them. We add excitement because there isn’t enough. Even if it does mean hurting someone. And as generous as we like to think we are, we're quite selfish.
Maybe not for everything, but we are when it comes to feelings we definitely are. We always want emotional satisfaction. Whether its love, excitement, or sadness, we'll do anything to get it. And it’s always the best pleasure when it’s received.
That’s what she said.
What’s weird is that we always want to see our significant other get emotional. We absolutely hate seeing that wall, that shrug when we ask what’s wrong. That “nothing, everything’s fine.”
As much as we call them pussies for expressing themselves, that’s all we really want.
Just for them to tell us why the hell they're not talking or smiling as much.
Come on guys, we always know when something's wrong.
We just want you to break down at least once and pour out your feelings.
And we want it because – of course- we cannot have it.
I don’t know about you, but if a guy was emotional all the time I’d be sick of him.
Only women have that right. Cause we just do. That’s our excuse. We’re on our period, or having a bad day, or someone said something that upset us.
I think it’s the estrogen.
Guys, you know what I’m talking about. And don’t worry; we are aware that our excessive overly emotional rampages can be bitches. But hey, what can you do?
Ehh that’s how everyone is. Moodiness is yet another side effect of the never ending doses of hormones we receive.
I mean we never get what we want right? Our lives are just a swirl of repeating bad luck and boring nothingness.
This is the one thing we have control over; receiving emotional satisfaction.
Relationships getting uninteresting? Threaten a breakup. Anything to stir up commotion or have that exhilarating feeling in your stomach.
Now im not condoning cheating or anything like that. However that is the case when people do cheat; they’re just bored with their spouses. They want the thrill of having an affair. Im sure if they weren’t married or together with someone than it wouldn’t be nearly as great as it is when they are.
I mean would candy be as good if it didn’t give you pimples or make you fat or give you tummy aches? Of course not.
They see that one guy who winks at them and I think you know where everything goes from there.
It’s like eve and that damn tree.
Temptation.
Don’t cheat. It’s stupid. I know you want the same excitement you see on Gossip Girl and all those shows but this is real life; and in real life there are consequences. Life isn’t some scripted drama. It’s not like your fate relies on the writer's input. You choose your own. And in the real world, people love to talk and brand and hate. And something called “guilt” exists. So when you see the bottle headed blondes do it on TV, and get away with it with a hair flip and a wink, you should never take that as a reason to do it.
Eh who am I to tell you what to do?
Do what you want. Live!
…There she is again.
Morals are weird. The strange part is some people don’t have any. Like serial killers or sexual predators. Morals stop us from doing things that we'll regret. Things that society finds "wrong".
Do we even know what’s right and what’s wrong? How do we know? Is it because of the Ten Commandments or because we all decided that doing a certain thing is not accepted?
Getting good grades and going to a great school is accepted. Being a failure isn’t. And we use such cut throat words that penetrate and leave that person feeling ashamed for being different or not as good as society needs them to be. I mean what’s a failure anyway? It’s what we made it up to be. Someone who can’t live up to society's expectations. The expectations we made up.
Society's messed up anyway. All they care about is money. Money this money that, need more money, don’t have enough money, spend more money. It’s dumb.
But I’ve already had a rant about money. Let’s not re-live it.
Let’s see, what else to talk about.
Compliments are fun. Especially when you’re the one receiving them. That’s pretty much one of the things that could make our day. Even a simple “you look cute today” could flip your energy around and make you a chipper person. Compliments are the most effective when they’re given by people you don’t even know. Just a complete stranger coming up to you or telling you via Facebook that you’re beautiful, pretty much makes your month. It’s not only girls, I’m sure. Guys love compliments. After all, they’re human too. But they never show it.
What I don’t like is the mentality here in America.
Yes. I’m going there.
What I’ve noticed here is that most, not all, hot guys or “sexy” or whatever you’d like to call them, are cocky or…just douches. And I’m not blaming them entirely, I’m blaming the girls.
I think it might be because there are very few gorgeous guys here. And the few know they are hot, because of the many compliments they receive, and the obnoxious flirting given from girls around them.
Hey, we’re teenagers we have raging hormones. Everyone’s been guilty of extreme flirting.
Compliments + hot guy + girls all over guy = big head.
Hell anyone would become like that. I’m sure there are many girls like that too.
The weird thing is, I never saw that in Europe.
Probably because there are beautiful guys and girls everywhere. I think they might think that it’s normal to be good looking. So when you take away the girls all over him and the excessive amounts of compliments, you just have a normal guy.
Then again it’s a completely different culture.
No, I’m not saying America sucks and Europe’s better. It’s just something I’ve observed. And yes, I’ve met gorgeous guys here that have been genuinely nice, and gorgeous guys in France who have complete douche bags. It happens.
Culture is something that can make you who are you are. I don’t know about you, but my roots have affected the way I’ve been brought up and how I’ve been educated. I’m educated like a French girl, but being raised in America, I definitely don’t act like one. Which is pretty obvious why.
But what’s weird is that even though I was born and raised here, I still don’t know what certain expressions or words mean. I’m sure everyone with non-American parents can relate. Whether they’re Spanish, Italian, French, Chinese, Israeli, we never fully get one language down. That’s one disadvantage. We could have tons that we speak, but one can never be completely perfected.
Eh, who cares? Languages are dumb. Why can’t we all just speak one?
I think it’s so no one can understand the other’s secrets. Unless they take the time to learn it. But come on, who’s gonna do that?
Italian’s such a pretty language. I wish I could speak that.
What’s funny is that not many people think the language they speak is the prettiest, or the best.
We should have a button that automatically programs things we want to know into our brain.
Eh, who am I kidding, that’s probably the worst idea.
Cause every computer nerd in the world will program “world domination” before anything else. Then we’d be screwed.
Another Fail brought to you by technology.
What I don’t get is why we don’t use it for anything remotely productive. All you hear about is new phones and new computers and refrigerators with TV’s on them.
…Honestly? Who’s gonna need that?
Why can’t we invent machines that distribute food to starving people in Africa?
Or water dispensers that take rain water and filter it for people in India who cannot afford it?
Or how about, I don’t know, blanket makers, for people who sleep on the sidewalk in the freezing cold?
It’s like technology only cares about the people who can afford it.
Or how about they stop making everything so machine oriented so people can find jobs?
But no, nobody cares about that stuff. They don’t pay attention to the starving children, or the freezing homeless, or the unemployed single mothers.
Instead they’ll just sip a cup of warm coffee and cuddle with a blanket while watching a news reporter talk about it on their refrigerator.
Happens to everyone.
Is it weird that I’m never the same person each week?
Or is that how every teenager is? Trying on a new skin every couple of days, switching from this to that, their view points from here to there.
Is that… normal?
What I do know is that everyone has a double layer. No one is actually as they appear to be. We all have facades. The person we are at home is not the same person we are at school, or around friends or around our significant other. Everyone has some curtain of artificial nothings in front of them. That’s because we could not bear to show our true identities at first glance. To just put our soul on a platter and have anyone dissect it is absurd.
The truth is, no one wants to show their true selves to just anybody. The curtain only starts to open when you build a special relationship with that person. If you’re lucky.
It’s like we're turtles or something.
No one has just one person inside them. No one way of seeing things. We have tons. It’s just a matter of finding them. Saying you’re just one person, one mind, is simply ridiculous.
Then again, maybe I’m just crazy.
I'll tell you two of the sides I have. There’s the Davina who says "screw it" to everything and does what she wants for the hell of it, and the Davina who actually thinks for herself and balances out consequences.
Haven’t seen her in a while. The side I’m usually overcome by is the side that does not believe in morals or feelings. The side that wants to live in the moment and say "I’m 16 let me live!" the side that throws her hands up and says "I give up. I’ll do what I like and no one can say anything."
I’m sure I have more sides to me. Those are probably just the only two I notice.
Everyone has at least one different side to them.
No person is simply one dimensional, that’s impossible. To begin with, we all have the good and bad side. We're born with it. Ever since we were tiny beings we had these two voices. Whether it had to do with taking cookies out of the jar or going into mommy's room to try on her heels.
That’s how the little angel and demon on the shoulder came to be.
We all have that voice that just says "come on do it. Why not? It’ll be fun." and the other that argues "don’t do it, you’ll pay for it."
Who do you think adolescents listen to?
Like I said, we love a stirrup. Sometimes we complicate our lives just to complicate them. We add excitement because there isn’t enough. Even if it does mean hurting someone. And as generous as we like to think we are, we're quite selfish.
Maybe not for everything, but we are when it comes to feelings we definitely are. We always want emotional satisfaction. Whether its love, excitement, or sadness, we'll do anything to get it. And it’s always the best pleasure when it’s received.
That’s what she said.
What’s weird is that we always want to see our significant other get emotional. We absolutely hate seeing that wall, that shrug when we ask what’s wrong. That “nothing, everything’s fine.”
As much as we call them pussies for expressing themselves, that’s all we really want.
Just for them to tell us why the hell they're not talking or smiling as much.
Come on guys, we always know when something's wrong.
We just want you to break down at least once and pour out your feelings.
And we want it because – of course- we cannot have it.
I don’t know about you, but if a guy was emotional all the time I’d be sick of him.
Only women have that right. Cause we just do. That’s our excuse. We’re on our period, or having a bad day, or someone said something that upset us.
I think it’s the estrogen.
Guys, you know what I’m talking about. And don’t worry; we are aware that our excessive overly emotional rampages can be bitches. But hey, what can you do?
Ehh that’s how everyone is. Moodiness is yet another side effect of the never ending doses of hormones we receive.
I mean we never get what we want right? Our lives are just a swirl of repeating bad luck and boring nothingness.
This is the one thing we have control over; receiving emotional satisfaction.
Relationships getting uninteresting? Threaten a breakup. Anything to stir up commotion or have that exhilarating feeling in your stomach.
Now im not condoning cheating or anything like that. However that is the case when people do cheat; they’re just bored with their spouses. They want the thrill of having an affair. Im sure if they weren’t married or together with someone than it wouldn’t be nearly as great as it is when they are.
I mean would candy be as good if it didn’t give you pimples or make you fat or give you tummy aches? Of course not.
They see that one guy who winks at them and I think you know where everything goes from there.
It’s like eve and that damn tree.
Temptation.
Don’t cheat. It’s stupid. I know you want the same excitement you see on Gossip Girl and all those shows but this is real life; and in real life there are consequences. Life isn’t some scripted drama. It’s not like your fate relies on the writer's input. You choose your own. And in the real world, people love to talk and brand and hate. And something called “guilt” exists. So when you see the bottle headed blondes do it on TV, and get away with it with a hair flip and a wink, you should never take that as a reason to do it.
Eh who am I to tell you what to do?
Do what you want. Live!
…There she is again.
Morals are weird. The strange part is some people don’t have any. Like serial killers or sexual predators. Morals stop us from doing things that we'll regret. Things that society finds "wrong".
Do we even know what’s right and what’s wrong? How do we know? Is it because of the Ten Commandments or because we all decided that doing a certain thing is not accepted?
Getting good grades and going to a great school is accepted. Being a failure isn’t. And we use such cut throat words that penetrate and leave that person feeling ashamed for being different or not as good as society needs them to be. I mean what’s a failure anyway? It’s what we made it up to be. Someone who can’t live up to society's expectations. The expectations we made up.
Society's messed up anyway. All they care about is money. Money this money that, need more money, don’t have enough money, spend more money. It’s dumb.
But I’ve already had a rant about money. Let’s not re-live it.
Let’s see, what else to talk about.
Compliments are fun. Especially when you’re the one receiving them. That’s pretty much one of the things that could make our day. Even a simple “you look cute today” could flip your energy around and make you a chipper person. Compliments are the most effective when they’re given by people you don’t even know. Just a complete stranger coming up to you or telling you via Facebook that you’re beautiful, pretty much makes your month. It’s not only girls, I’m sure. Guys love compliments. After all, they’re human too. But they never show it.
What I don’t like is the mentality here in America.
Yes. I’m going there.
What I’ve noticed here is that most, not all, hot guys or “sexy” or whatever you’d like to call them, are cocky or…just douches. And I’m not blaming them entirely, I’m blaming the girls.
I think it might be because there are very few gorgeous guys here. And the few know they are hot, because of the many compliments they receive, and the obnoxious flirting given from girls around them.
Hey, we’re teenagers we have raging hormones. Everyone’s been guilty of extreme flirting.
Compliments + hot guy + girls all over guy = big head.
Hell anyone would become like that. I’m sure there are many girls like that too.
The weird thing is, I never saw that in Europe.
Probably because there are beautiful guys and girls everywhere. I think they might think that it’s normal to be good looking. So when you take away the girls all over him and the excessive amounts of compliments, you just have a normal guy.
Then again it’s a completely different culture.
No, I’m not saying America sucks and Europe’s better. It’s just something I’ve observed. And yes, I’ve met gorgeous guys here that have been genuinely nice, and gorgeous guys in France who have complete douche bags. It happens.
Culture is something that can make you who are you are. I don’t know about you, but my roots have affected the way I’ve been brought up and how I’ve been educated. I’m educated like a French girl, but being raised in America, I definitely don’t act like one. Which is pretty obvious why.
But what’s weird is that even though I was born and raised here, I still don’t know what certain expressions or words mean. I’m sure everyone with non-American parents can relate. Whether they’re Spanish, Italian, French, Chinese, Israeli, we never fully get one language down. That’s one disadvantage. We could have tons that we speak, but one can never be completely perfected.
Eh, who cares? Languages are dumb. Why can’t we all just speak one?
I think it’s so no one can understand the other’s secrets. Unless they take the time to learn it. But come on, who’s gonna do that?
Italian’s such a pretty language. I wish I could speak that.
What’s funny is that not many people think the language they speak is the prettiest, or the best.
We should have a button that automatically programs things we want to know into our brain.
Eh, who am I kidding, that’s probably the worst idea.
Cause every computer nerd in the world will program “world domination” before anything else. Then we’d be screwed.
Another Fail brought to you by technology.
What I don’t get is why we don’t use it for anything remotely productive. All you hear about is new phones and new computers and refrigerators with TV’s on them.
…Honestly? Who’s gonna need that?
Why can’t we invent machines that distribute food to starving people in Africa?
Or water dispensers that take rain water and filter it for people in India who cannot afford it?
Or how about, I don’t know, blanket makers, for people who sleep on the sidewalk in the freezing cold?
It’s like technology only cares about the people who can afford it.
Or how about they stop making everything so machine oriented so people can find jobs?
But no, nobody cares about that stuff. They don’t pay attention to the starving children, or the freezing homeless, or the unemployed single mothers.
Instead they’ll just sip a cup of warm coffee and cuddle with a blanket while watching a news reporter talk about it on their refrigerator.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I Don't Know, Do You?
Ignorance is such an odd thing.
It’s something nobody wants to have. Like some fatal disease that no one talks about, yet is spreading so much you can’t help but address it.
It’s one of the worst things to be overcome by.
It impairs your decision making, your judgment, and it could force you to make choices about someone or something that are far from intelligent.
Ignorance gets you into trouble.
Ignorance makes you look…well…dumb.
And the worst part is, you don’t know you have it until it slaps you back in the face.
Whether it’s getting screwed over by someone you thought was a good person, or simply just making a comment about something you didn’t know about and was hated upon.
Ignorance will always end up biting you in the ass.
We base too much off of ignorance.
Hell, we have wars from ignorance. Ignorance of religion, race, whatever it may be.
Ignorance is so powerful, too powerful. Can you believe it can cause people to fight? To hate? It can change an entire nation’s outlook on something. Some people will believe everything they hear if it sounds good. They choose to remain ignorant if it makes life more pleasant. But in the end, knowing is a lot better than not knowing when it comes to everything; including people.
I’m sure everyone has misjudged someone. They might have thought they were very kind, or very mean or very weird. We have all been misjudged. And we’ve all been corrected by those judgments we have made. In good and bad ways. The bad ones open our eyes a little wider than the pleasant ones. Then again, that's how every situation in life is.
Misjudging someone by thinking they are your friend is the worst form. Especially when you have to find out in a nasty way. Not only do you feel betrayed but honestly you just feel stupid. You feel dumb for trusting them or telling them all your secrets. You feel dumb for thinking they were there for you when they really weren’t. Everyone may think it’s the betrayal that hurts the most- which does at first- but deep down, you really just hit yourself in the head, think back, and say, “why did I even?”
As if a slap in the face wasn't enough, it's followed by someone coming up to you and saying “man, you are such a dumb ass.”
And then, it causes you to close up and brand yourself as someone with "trust issues". You can no longer let go and be free to tell everyone your life stories, or share your opinions, but you must remain locked up, in order to not make anymore mistakes or mistrust anyone. Everything seems so much harder. Now it's, "Watch what you say, watch what you do, watch who you interact with."
Everyone has had their fair share of ignorance and misjudgment, trusting the wrong people. Every single person on this planet. And that famous saying, "ignorance is bliss", makes ignorance seem like such a great thing to experience, as if not knowing anything is the right thing to do to make your life seem more pleasant. But sometimes, having knowledge is actually better than living in the dark and telling yourself things are okay when they're not. Only when you address the fact that things are the way they are, is when you know you need to change them. And that's why being cured of ignorance is probably better than being cured of anything else.
It’s something nobody wants to have. Like some fatal disease that no one talks about, yet is spreading so much you can’t help but address it.
It’s one of the worst things to be overcome by.
It impairs your decision making, your judgment, and it could force you to make choices about someone or something that are far from intelligent.
Ignorance gets you into trouble.
Ignorance makes you look…well…dumb.
And the worst part is, you don’t know you have it until it slaps you back in the face.
Whether it’s getting screwed over by someone you thought was a good person, or simply just making a comment about something you didn’t know about and was hated upon.
Ignorance will always end up biting you in the ass.
We base too much off of ignorance.
Hell, we have wars from ignorance. Ignorance of religion, race, whatever it may be.
Ignorance is so powerful, too powerful. Can you believe it can cause people to fight? To hate? It can change an entire nation’s outlook on something. Some people will believe everything they hear if it sounds good. They choose to remain ignorant if it makes life more pleasant. But in the end, knowing is a lot better than not knowing when it comes to everything; including people.
I’m sure everyone has misjudged someone. They might have thought they were very kind, or very mean or very weird. We have all been misjudged. And we’ve all been corrected by those judgments we have made. In good and bad ways. The bad ones open our eyes a little wider than the pleasant ones. Then again, that's how every situation in life is.
Misjudging someone by thinking they are your friend is the worst form. Especially when you have to find out in a nasty way. Not only do you feel betrayed but honestly you just feel stupid. You feel dumb for trusting them or telling them all your secrets. You feel dumb for thinking they were there for you when they really weren’t. Everyone may think it’s the betrayal that hurts the most- which does at first- but deep down, you really just hit yourself in the head, think back, and say, “why did I even?”
As if a slap in the face wasn't enough, it's followed by someone coming up to you and saying “man, you are such a dumb ass.”
And then, it causes you to close up and brand yourself as someone with "trust issues". You can no longer let go and be free to tell everyone your life stories, or share your opinions, but you must remain locked up, in order to not make anymore mistakes or mistrust anyone. Everything seems so much harder. Now it's, "Watch what you say, watch what you do, watch who you interact with."
Everyone has had their fair share of ignorance and misjudgment, trusting the wrong people. Every single person on this planet. And that famous saying, "ignorance is bliss", makes ignorance seem like such a great thing to experience, as if not knowing anything is the right thing to do to make your life seem more pleasant. But sometimes, having knowledge is actually better than living in the dark and telling yourself things are okay when they're not. Only when you address the fact that things are the way they are, is when you know you need to change them. And that's why being cured of ignorance is probably better than being cured of anything else.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tech No Logic.
Yet another day in web design not doing anything but pointless nothings on the computer.
The internet is such a nuisance. One of the reasons being we can’t live without it. I don’t know about you, but I feel lost without my phone. And without internet connection, I feel isolated and detached from the entire world. I feel disoriented. All because of an electronic device. Kind of a crazy thought, no? Well not to us.
People can do anything on the internet these days. They can buy clothes, or even groceries, they can sell things, meet life partners, and find long lost friends. You can revolve or build your entire life around the internet. Our generation is the cursed one. It’s the least creative, due to all the advantages handed to us by technology. Fewer children are playing sports, and resorting to video games. Hell, singers don't even have to be good anymore; we have machines to make them sound perfect. I know some of you are thinking “oh em gee huge crisis…naht.” But at the same time, look at what the future will hold for us. What will we do in 10 years when they’ve created an electronic version of everything? Soon enough schools will be taught through computers. Hell, exercising can be bought on video game softwares now. You don’t even have to leave your room anymore.
People become obsessed with the technology. Doctors don’t even have to lift a finger nowadays. They can do open heart surgery without even cutting someone open anymore. Laser liposuction has stopped people from exercising. “Non invasive? I’ll get it done. Who needs to work out when I could just do that?” It’s like they’re trying to create a computerized version of life. I’m just waiting for the day they accidentally program robots to be smarter than us and they take over the world. Only then will they say, “hey guys…maybe we shouldn’t have made so much technological advances.”
On the other hand technology is a blessing. It helps us save lives easier and faster due to new machines in hospitals, opens communication due to new “friending” sites, and promoted new things like music.
Oh god, I just left my blog open while I helped someone. Great, now everyone knows what I’m thinking.
Doesn’t it seem like everything is just about money? Doctors don’t even save lives anymore because they want to; it’s because they want the money. “No insurance? Sorry, you’ll just have to take yourself and your chopped off foot out of our ER. Please don’t get any of the spewing blood on our other patients.”
The government is zillions of dollars in debt. I didn’t even know that number existed. Zillions? They just spend money on weapons and things we barely need. They spend and spend money they don’t have and we have to pay for it in the end.
When did this become a revolt against the government?
The dollar is burnt to a crisp. It barely serves any value anymore anyway.
I say everything should be free. Who’s with me?
That quote “money doesn’t buy happiness” is very deceiving. It can buy happiness in some cases. Hell, if you’re a homeless person living on the streets, starving without any food or even a blanket to cover you from the freezing cold, money could buy you a nice meal and something to keep you warm. And if you ask me, I think that a full stomach and something to sleep on could make that person very happy.
But there are people with tons of money, people who could buy anything in the world; who are miserable. Sometimes they’re the least happiest people on earth. All they do is buy and throw away. Kids in India and Uganda are happier than them. Even the simplicity of tossing around a ball and drinking their only cup of water that day can be enough to them. And I think that’s truly beautiful. Not the fact that they don't have those things, but the fact that they don’t need much to be happy. I think that being happy because of life’s simple tiny things is the most amazing thing one can have. That is true happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from yachts and mansions and pimped out rides. After all we did begin with nothing. We lived on the pure earth, slept on the soil, and drank rainwater. And hey, we were perfectly fine. It wasn’t until one guy came up and said “hey we should start paying for our things.” that humanity divided into things called “classes”.
This word is what makes some people believe that they are better than others. It makes people think they’re not good enough. If you think about it, money is just pieces of paper. They’re pieces of green paper with dead presidents’ faces on them. And coins are the same thing. Symbolism goes a long way, doesn’t it? Nobody actually sees those rectangles as just paper. They see it as their future, their kids’ futures, something that could save a relative from dying. People become sick, they become possessed over these snip it’s of paper. Your entire day could light up just by finding a bill on the floor. What if we all just took green colored paper and cut them into rectangles?
We could call that money, right?
I think money is stupid. The fact that some people think that those with more money are more educated than those without is probably the most ignorant thing to have ever been said. I’ve met wealthy people who didn’t have any manners what so ever. They were mean and impolite, and some even belched at the dinner table. But I’ve met people living in one bedroom houses, who were the kindest, wisest people I’ve ever come across. Money can buy lots of things. It could change people’s lives, it could cure diseases, it could rule the world. But in the end, it's just pieces of paper and coins.
...That's it.
The internet is such a nuisance. One of the reasons being we can’t live without it. I don’t know about you, but I feel lost without my phone. And without internet connection, I feel isolated and detached from the entire world. I feel disoriented. All because of an electronic device. Kind of a crazy thought, no? Well not to us.
People can do anything on the internet these days. They can buy clothes, or even groceries, they can sell things, meet life partners, and find long lost friends. You can revolve or build your entire life around the internet. Our generation is the cursed one. It’s the least creative, due to all the advantages handed to us by technology. Fewer children are playing sports, and resorting to video games. Hell, singers don't even have to be good anymore; we have machines to make them sound perfect. I know some of you are thinking “oh em gee huge crisis…naht.” But at the same time, look at what the future will hold for us. What will we do in 10 years when they’ve created an electronic version of everything? Soon enough schools will be taught through computers. Hell, exercising can be bought on video game softwares now. You don’t even have to leave your room anymore.
People become obsessed with the technology. Doctors don’t even have to lift a finger nowadays. They can do open heart surgery without even cutting someone open anymore. Laser liposuction has stopped people from exercising. “Non invasive? I’ll get it done. Who needs to work out when I could just do that?” It’s like they’re trying to create a computerized version of life. I’m just waiting for the day they accidentally program robots to be smarter than us and they take over the world. Only then will they say, “hey guys…maybe we shouldn’t have made so much technological advances.”
On the other hand technology is a blessing. It helps us save lives easier and faster due to new machines in hospitals, opens communication due to new “friending” sites, and promoted new things like music.
Oh god, I just left my blog open while I helped someone. Great, now everyone knows what I’m thinking.
Doesn’t it seem like everything is just about money? Doctors don’t even save lives anymore because they want to; it’s because they want the money. “No insurance? Sorry, you’ll just have to take yourself and your chopped off foot out of our ER. Please don’t get any of the spewing blood on our other patients.”
The government is zillions of dollars in debt. I didn’t even know that number existed. Zillions? They just spend money on weapons and things we barely need. They spend and spend money they don’t have and we have to pay for it in the end.
When did this become a revolt against the government?
The dollar is burnt to a crisp. It barely serves any value anymore anyway.
I say everything should be free. Who’s with me?
That quote “money doesn’t buy happiness” is very deceiving. It can buy happiness in some cases. Hell, if you’re a homeless person living on the streets, starving without any food or even a blanket to cover you from the freezing cold, money could buy you a nice meal and something to keep you warm. And if you ask me, I think that a full stomach and something to sleep on could make that person very happy.
But there are people with tons of money, people who could buy anything in the world; who are miserable. Sometimes they’re the least happiest people on earth. All they do is buy and throw away. Kids in India and Uganda are happier than them. Even the simplicity of tossing around a ball and drinking their only cup of water that day can be enough to them. And I think that’s truly beautiful. Not the fact that they don't have those things, but the fact that they don’t need much to be happy. I think that being happy because of life’s simple tiny things is the most amazing thing one can have. That is true happiness. Happiness doesn’t come from yachts and mansions and pimped out rides. After all we did begin with nothing. We lived on the pure earth, slept on the soil, and drank rainwater. And hey, we were perfectly fine. It wasn’t until one guy came up and said “hey we should start paying for our things.” that humanity divided into things called “classes”.
This word is what makes some people believe that they are better than others. It makes people think they’re not good enough. If you think about it, money is just pieces of paper. They’re pieces of green paper with dead presidents’ faces on them. And coins are the same thing. Symbolism goes a long way, doesn’t it? Nobody actually sees those rectangles as just paper. They see it as their future, their kids’ futures, something that could save a relative from dying. People become sick, they become possessed over these snip it’s of paper. Your entire day could light up just by finding a bill on the floor. What if we all just took green colored paper and cut them into rectangles?
We could call that money, right?
I think money is stupid. The fact that some people think that those with more money are more educated than those without is probably the most ignorant thing to have ever been said. I’ve met wealthy people who didn’t have any manners what so ever. They were mean and impolite, and some even belched at the dinner table. But I’ve met people living in one bedroom houses, who were the kindest, wisest people I’ve ever come across. Money can buy lots of things. It could change people’s lives, it could cure diseases, it could rule the world. But in the end, it's just pieces of paper and coins.
...That's it.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Everyone Knows.
Love is weird. Love is something that can show up and disappear faster than you can say “what happened?” Love is something that can make you feel so high you can never come down. Love is something that can make you feel so low you don’t know if you’ll ever see light again. Funny thing is, nobody knows what it is. What is it? It’s not what the dictionary says it is. It’s not what your mother tells you. Love is an emotion that everyone feels and experiences differently. Your love is not the same as my love, or his love. Teenage love is not the same love as 50 or 60 year old love.
Love is fragile. Love is strong.
Love is something that can grow or collapse over time. Love is certain, love is unsure.
People write songs, stories, poems about love. They make movies about it, advertise it. Love is something so personalized yet so…universal. It’s the only thing that no one knows about, yet they all do.
Does that even make sense?
Love can be transferred from one person to the next. Love can be shared, or kept to yourself. Love can revive a person. Love can kill a person.
Love can make you say “I cant do this” or “I want to do this.”
Love can save a person. Love can doom a person.
Have you ever been unsure about love?
Have people ever told you that you weren’t in love?
Hey check out this quote;
“Who is everyone to tell you what you’re not? Love is something that everyone defines and feels differently. Time has nothing to do with it. It’s not measured. You will know if you are or not. Don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation. The people who matter will get it. There are couples that are together for years and never fall in love, but there are also couples who fall in love after one week. Who are we to judge? No one knows what you think, so nobody can tell you what you are or what you’re not. Ignorant people will deal, and the important people will celebrate.” – Gili Menashe
Love is such a touchy subject yet everyone touches it.
It’s like the forbidden tree from Adam and Eve’s story.
Everyone tells you not to touch it but you simply cannot resist. And of course, there are always consequences. You’ll get punished sooner or later.
Love is a guilty pleasure.
Love is positive. Love is pessimistic.
Love is everything. Love is nothing.
Love is fragile. Love is strong.
Love is something that can grow or collapse over time. Love is certain, love is unsure.
People write songs, stories, poems about love. They make movies about it, advertise it. Love is something so personalized yet so…universal. It’s the only thing that no one knows about, yet they all do.
Does that even make sense?
Love can be transferred from one person to the next. Love can be shared, or kept to yourself. Love can revive a person. Love can kill a person.
Love can make you say “I cant do this” or “I want to do this.”
Love can save a person. Love can doom a person.
Have you ever been unsure about love?
Have people ever told you that you weren’t in love?
Hey check out this quote;
“Who is everyone to tell you what you’re not? Love is something that everyone defines and feels differently. Time has nothing to do with it. It’s not measured. You will know if you are or not. Don’t feel like you owe anyone an explanation. The people who matter will get it. There are couples that are together for years and never fall in love, but there are also couples who fall in love after one week. Who are we to judge? No one knows what you think, so nobody can tell you what you are or what you’re not. Ignorant people will deal, and the important people will celebrate.” – Gili Menashe
Love is such a touchy subject yet everyone touches it.
It’s like the forbidden tree from Adam and Eve’s story.
Everyone tells you not to touch it but you simply cannot resist. And of course, there are always consequences. You’ll get punished sooner or later.
Love is a guilty pleasure.
Love is positive. Love is pessimistic.
Love is everything. Love is nothing.
Bored At The Paris Airport + iPhone Notepad = This;
She woke up to complete darkness surrounding her. Making sure her eyes were opened, she widened and rubbed them frantically, hoping the darkness would disappear and warm light would fall onto her frozen skin. But she opened them again only to find herself enveloped in shadows.
“Finally,” she heard a voice say. “I didn’t think you’d ever show.”
She swallowed and took a deep breath, hoping to slow down her rapid heartbeat which seemed to be getting faster by the second, praying to get rid of the chill that went through her body.
“Who…are you?” she slowly said.
The voice began to chuckle slyly. The laughter followed with footsteps which seemed to be getting closer to her. Heavier and heavier. She covered her ears and curled up as the steps became louder and louder. Each clunk coming closer. Hugging her knees and trying to hold her breath, she began to cry.
“Make this stop,” she whispered. “Make this stop.”
When the footsteps finally reached her, she began to shake.
“First timer huh?” the deep voice asked. “Do you know where you are?”
She shook her head quickly, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.
“See that light at the end of that tunnel there?” the voice questioned.
She squinted her eyes. In the distance appeared a tiny sphere of brightness. The warmest light she had ever seen.
“Here’s some advice, kid. Don’t move.”
Confused, she suddenly became immobilized. All she wanted to do was listen to the voice who seemed to know every answer in the world at that moment.
“Wh…what is…” she attempted to speak. “I’m cold.” She shivered again, this time being able to see her own breath right in front of her.
“Look, whatever you do, don’t go near that light. Do you hear me?”
She sat completely still, trying to stop her shaking.
“Do you get it?” the voice demanded.
“Yes…I heard you.” She whispered through her chattering teeth. “Who are you? Your voice sounds…familiar.”
“I’m not anybody.”
She could suddenly feel herself getting warmer. She could no longer see her own breath, and the light became smaller and smaller until it simply disappeared and she was once again in complete darkness.
She looked around, and let the silence fill her ears, the black fall onto her skin like heavy rain. When she finally had enough courage to let go of her knees, something jerked at her.
“Clear!” a woman’s voice said.
Another pull.
“We’ve got a pulse.”
“Finally,” she heard a voice say. “I didn’t think you’d ever show.”
She swallowed and took a deep breath, hoping to slow down her rapid heartbeat which seemed to be getting faster by the second, praying to get rid of the chill that went through her body.
“Who…are you?” she slowly said.
The voice began to chuckle slyly. The laughter followed with footsteps which seemed to be getting closer to her. Heavier and heavier. She covered her ears and curled up as the steps became louder and louder. Each clunk coming closer. Hugging her knees and trying to hold her breath, she began to cry.
“Make this stop,” she whispered. “Make this stop.”
When the footsteps finally reached her, she began to shake.
“First timer huh?” the deep voice asked. “Do you know where you are?”
She shook her head quickly, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness.
“See that light at the end of that tunnel there?” the voice questioned.
She squinted her eyes. In the distance appeared a tiny sphere of brightness. The warmest light she had ever seen.
“Here’s some advice, kid. Don’t move.”
Confused, she suddenly became immobilized. All she wanted to do was listen to the voice who seemed to know every answer in the world at that moment.
“Wh…what is…” she attempted to speak. “I’m cold.” She shivered again, this time being able to see her own breath right in front of her.
“Look, whatever you do, don’t go near that light. Do you hear me?”
She sat completely still, trying to stop her shaking.
“Do you get it?” the voice demanded.
“Yes…I heard you.” She whispered through her chattering teeth. “Who are you? Your voice sounds…familiar.”
“I’m not anybody.”
She could suddenly feel herself getting warmer. She could no longer see her own breath, and the light became smaller and smaller until it simply disappeared and she was once again in complete darkness.
She looked around, and let the silence fill her ears, the black fall onto her skin like heavy rain. When she finally had enough courage to let go of her knees, something jerked at her.
“Clear!” a woman’s voice said.
Another pull.
“We’ve got a pulse.”
Friday, October 23, 2009
Blurb.
I think the biggest scare a teenage girl could have is thinking that she could be pregnant. It’s the dreaded thought that haunts teenagers and even women who don’t want to have babies. Waiting for that time of the month seems like an eternity, and you just pray and long for that miserable week. Ironic isn’t it? I think it’s the thought of taking care of another life that scares them. The thought of being responsible for raising someone else and making sure you don’t kill them or mess them up along the way. You can’t take care of yourself let alone somebody else. Girls this age can’t raise babies. Unless they’ve already made millions of dollars and are ready to retire and are married, which is …quite rare. But when there’s still school, and their entire career in front of them, it all goes down the drain with a hungry baby screaming at 4 in the morning.
Eh, I decided to talk about it. Because it’s a touchy subject. And I like touchy subjects.
Yes, that is what she said.
Today there is no school. Which means students actually get a whole day to relax themselves and get away from the hectic atmosphere of school. We’re even stressed on the weekends. With the piles of homework our teachers assign us, we can’t even take a breath. We go to school and work, then come home and work, then sleep, and do it all again the next day. You know somewhere in New Jersey they’re not even allowed to assign homework on the weekends? I know, right?
So I saw the trailer for this new alien movie called The Fourth Kind. I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not, but basically it’s about alien abductions and it involves “archive footage” which is “real”. The whole thing was quite disturbing to be honest. Not going to lie, I couldn’t sleep for two nights. And that was just from the trailer. But the industry is being smart by using this tool called “real footage”. That’s what scares people into thinking that whatever they saw could be- or is real. When you watch a movie and get scared of it, you can just tell yourself it’s a movie. But when there’s real footage of some guy levitating off of a bed….there’s nothing you can really say. It haunts you. And pretty soon you become paranoid. But somehow people are attracted to this. For instance, instead of going to see a fictional horror like Saw, most people would probably go for Paranormal Activity, which is a documentary type horror because it seems more real.
Like I said, they love scaring themselves.
When did this become a movie review?
Is it weird that I do believe in aliens? I mean, not the green skin bug eyed robe wearing ones, but I believe that we can’t be the only life in this universe. To think that would just be ignorant. There has to be something else, or someone else.
Maybe 2012 will be us discovering that there are aliens. Let's just hope they don't try to take over our world before sitting down over coffee and discussing what we’re going to do.
This was a short blog.
I’m going to go make my lace jabot for my Halloween costume. Bet you can’t guess what it is.
Did you know the word “blog” was not in spell check?
…Odd.
Eh, I decided to talk about it. Because it’s a touchy subject. And I like touchy subjects.
Yes, that is what she said.
Today there is no school. Which means students actually get a whole day to relax themselves and get away from the hectic atmosphere of school. We’re even stressed on the weekends. With the piles of homework our teachers assign us, we can’t even take a breath. We go to school and work, then come home and work, then sleep, and do it all again the next day. You know somewhere in New Jersey they’re not even allowed to assign homework on the weekends? I know, right?
So I saw the trailer for this new alien movie called The Fourth Kind. I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not, but basically it’s about alien abductions and it involves “archive footage” which is “real”. The whole thing was quite disturbing to be honest. Not going to lie, I couldn’t sleep for two nights. And that was just from the trailer. But the industry is being smart by using this tool called “real footage”. That’s what scares people into thinking that whatever they saw could be- or is real. When you watch a movie and get scared of it, you can just tell yourself it’s a movie. But when there’s real footage of some guy levitating off of a bed….there’s nothing you can really say. It haunts you. And pretty soon you become paranoid. But somehow people are attracted to this. For instance, instead of going to see a fictional horror like Saw, most people would probably go for Paranormal Activity, which is a documentary type horror because it seems more real.
Like I said, they love scaring themselves.
When did this become a movie review?
Is it weird that I do believe in aliens? I mean, not the green skin bug eyed robe wearing ones, but I believe that we can’t be the only life in this universe. To think that would just be ignorant. There has to be something else, or someone else.
Maybe 2012 will be us discovering that there are aliens. Let's just hope they don't try to take over our world before sitting down over coffee and discussing what we’re going to do.
This was a short blog.
I’m going to go make my lace jabot for my Halloween costume. Bet you can’t guess what it is.
Did you know the word “blog” was not in spell check?
…Odd.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Toe Thumbs
Ah yes, another "in class" blog. I'm currently in computer class, and decided to pour out my soul on a giant flat screen that people who walked by could probably see. Writing blogs- even though they are meant for people to see- is a very personal matter for some reason. I cannot have anyone looking at my writing until it is posted. If someone even walks by my laptop while I'm writing, I'll immediately lower the screen and wait till they go away. If anyone glances at my screen I'll minimize the window. It's kind of like you're thinking out loud and everyone can hear. Eh. I’m weird.
I wrote in history class today. Because we weren’t doing much of anything either in that class. I see a pattern…
History is such a strange subject because although it is pointless, it’s extremely necessary. I mean nobody cares about what happened in the past. Isn’t everyone always telling us to move on with our lives? Having a class revolved on nothing but focusing on it contradicts all those people who try and lecture us when we have a bad day. We should focus on what’s going on now. That actually matters.
Oh god I’m the only one who’s typing in here. Feels like every key I tap on is like an elephant stepping on a glass table. Why do I feel like everyone knows what I’m writing about? (sigh) paranoia.
Anyway back to what I was saying; I’ll bet more than half of the kids in my history class can’t name 4 people in the government, or name 3 political events happening now. But ask them what music is hot, or who embarrassed Taylor Swift at the VMA’s, and they’ll tell you without missing a beat. That’s just how the education system is. *shrug* History is all memorization anyways. It’s not like people actually remember all of the things that were taught. They cram it into their tiny heads for the test and then it disappears once it’s finished. Some kids are lucky though, and they have teachers who actually enjoy teaching and don’t just feed them the answers or read notes off of a paper. Only then can history be interesting and actually engraved into people’s heads. I haven’t heard one person read a history chapter by themselves, look up and say “whoa. That was so amazing. Changed my life.” ….Have you?
I don’t think my job will require me to name all of the US presidents. But of course we have to know where we came from, yada yada.
I don’t get why everyone is freaking out about 2012. Do we even know what’s going to happen? No. But here we are, trying to conduct experiments and coming up with ridiculous theories that scare people out of their minds. It’s kind of one of those thoughts that is always pushed away once it comes up. Everyone fears it but nobody really wants to talk about it. Like platypuses.
Or Michael Jackson’s child molestation cases. *shiver* No one wants to be that guy that just comes up while everyone’s talking about how great of a legend MJ was says, “didn’t he like…rape some kid?”
No one even knows what’ll happen in 2012 anyway. For all we know it could be the discovery of a new species or a week long power outage. OH EM GEE end of the world! Who knows? Maybe the world will end. But it’s not like we’re not already doomed as it is.
My philosophy is that God, or whatever it is, finds a planet, plants us on there, and just leaves us to do what we do. We evolve, we become more intelligent, and as we’re doing that we are slowly destroying our planet little by little until it wipes out and he moves onto the next one. Think about it. Our intelligence is a curse; it’s what dooms us to hell. We destroy everything we have because we become obsessed with having more. As we cure more diseases and find new things, we will always want additions. That’s just how the human mind works. We can never have enough. We will want more and more until there isn’t anything anymore. Animals are already being killed off, and our environment is breaking down to a crisp. Maybe 2012 will just be our planet collapsing and us going down with it.
Eh, maybe people just like to scare themselves. Who wants the idea that 2012 will just be some slight climate change? You can’t make a movie out of that.
What's funny is that fear is something that most people push away and hate dealing with, when really it is essential to our lives. Without fear we would all be dead. Fear stops us from doing stupid things, and appreciating the fact we’re alive. Appreciating the fact that our bodies aren’t chopped up or we’re not in the hospital, or in jail. Almost every human would be smoking if it weren’t for those scary ads about lung cancer, and we’d all be breaking into people’s houses if we weren’t scared of the police or going to prison, and we'd all be wearing hideous outfits to work if we weren't scared of rejection or criticism.
Isn’t it weird, what we find stylish? Some people go to such extremes to be “in style”. They pierce holes into their bodies, die on the operating table, stop feeding themselves. And our twisted molded minds are attracted to what those things bring. Nice bodies, perfect noses, awesome piercings. Some guys reject girls if they’re too chunky or don’t have enough boobs or their lips are too small. Because women like Megan Fox, set the bar for us.
But it doesn’t matter how perfect you are-may seem. People will always find a way to place a giant shadow on that flawlessness of yours. For instance, Megan Fox…and her toe thumbs. Really? Are people really going to sink that low that they have to talk about the woman’s fingers? She’s pretty, let her live. And her fingers look fine. Men sit back in their chairs and reject her because of just that, but I’ll bet that if she came up to them in her underwear covered in chocolate syrup or whatever it may be, those thumbs wouldn’t even cross their minds. Not to mention the only reason they have to find a mistake is because they can’t have her. Anyone who won’t notice or be with them has to be imperfect right?
Humans have to accept that perfect doesn’t happen. It doesn’t exist. Especially with our minds. We will always find something to hate, or reject, or criticize. Because if there’s pretty there has to be ugly, if there’s small, there has to be big. We can’t just look at ourselves and say “wow, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.” That’s not how it works unless one has a serious mental issue. You can like yourself, sure. Nothing wrong with that. But it’s healthy to have imperfections. It’s human. And that’s what we are, and that’s what people have to deal with. And "toe-like" fingers are just something we’ll have to live with.
I wrote in history class today. Because we weren’t doing much of anything either in that class. I see a pattern…
History is such a strange subject because although it is pointless, it’s extremely necessary. I mean nobody cares about what happened in the past. Isn’t everyone always telling us to move on with our lives? Having a class revolved on nothing but focusing on it contradicts all those people who try and lecture us when we have a bad day. We should focus on what’s going on now. That actually matters.
Oh god I’m the only one who’s typing in here. Feels like every key I tap on is like an elephant stepping on a glass table. Why do I feel like everyone knows what I’m writing about? (sigh) paranoia.
Anyway back to what I was saying; I’ll bet more than half of the kids in my history class can’t name 4 people in the government, or name 3 political events happening now. But ask them what music is hot, or who embarrassed Taylor Swift at the VMA’s, and they’ll tell you without missing a beat. That’s just how the education system is. *shrug* History is all memorization anyways. It’s not like people actually remember all of the things that were taught. They cram it into their tiny heads for the test and then it disappears once it’s finished. Some kids are lucky though, and they have teachers who actually enjoy teaching and don’t just feed them the answers or read notes off of a paper. Only then can history be interesting and actually engraved into people’s heads. I haven’t heard one person read a history chapter by themselves, look up and say “whoa. That was so amazing. Changed my life.” ….Have you?
I don’t think my job will require me to name all of the US presidents. But of course we have to know where we came from, yada yada.
I don’t get why everyone is freaking out about 2012. Do we even know what’s going to happen? No. But here we are, trying to conduct experiments and coming up with ridiculous theories that scare people out of their minds. It’s kind of one of those thoughts that is always pushed away once it comes up. Everyone fears it but nobody really wants to talk about it. Like platypuses.
Or Michael Jackson’s child molestation cases. *shiver* No one wants to be that guy that just comes up while everyone’s talking about how great of a legend MJ was says, “didn’t he like…rape some kid?”
No one even knows what’ll happen in 2012 anyway. For all we know it could be the discovery of a new species or a week long power outage. OH EM GEE end of the world! Who knows? Maybe the world will end. But it’s not like we’re not already doomed as it is.
My philosophy is that God, or whatever it is, finds a planet, plants us on there, and just leaves us to do what we do. We evolve, we become more intelligent, and as we’re doing that we are slowly destroying our planet little by little until it wipes out and he moves onto the next one. Think about it. Our intelligence is a curse; it’s what dooms us to hell. We destroy everything we have because we become obsessed with having more. As we cure more diseases and find new things, we will always want additions. That’s just how the human mind works. We can never have enough. We will want more and more until there isn’t anything anymore. Animals are already being killed off, and our environment is breaking down to a crisp. Maybe 2012 will just be our planet collapsing and us going down with it.
Eh, maybe people just like to scare themselves. Who wants the idea that 2012 will just be some slight climate change? You can’t make a movie out of that.
What's funny is that fear is something that most people push away and hate dealing with, when really it is essential to our lives. Without fear we would all be dead. Fear stops us from doing stupid things, and appreciating the fact we’re alive. Appreciating the fact that our bodies aren’t chopped up or we’re not in the hospital, or in jail. Almost every human would be smoking if it weren’t for those scary ads about lung cancer, and we’d all be breaking into people’s houses if we weren’t scared of the police or going to prison, and we'd all be wearing hideous outfits to work if we weren't scared of rejection or criticism.
Isn’t it weird, what we find stylish? Some people go to such extremes to be “in style”. They pierce holes into their bodies, die on the operating table, stop feeding themselves. And our twisted molded minds are attracted to what those things bring. Nice bodies, perfect noses, awesome piercings. Some guys reject girls if they’re too chunky or don’t have enough boobs or their lips are too small. Because women like Megan Fox, set the bar for us.
But it doesn’t matter how perfect you are-may seem. People will always find a way to place a giant shadow on that flawlessness of yours. For instance, Megan Fox…and her toe thumbs. Really? Are people really going to sink that low that they have to talk about the woman’s fingers? She’s pretty, let her live. And her fingers look fine. Men sit back in their chairs and reject her because of just that, but I’ll bet that if she came up to them in her underwear covered in chocolate syrup or whatever it may be, those thumbs wouldn’t even cross their minds. Not to mention the only reason they have to find a mistake is because they can’t have her. Anyone who won’t notice or be with them has to be imperfect right?
Humans have to accept that perfect doesn’t happen. It doesn’t exist. Especially with our minds. We will always find something to hate, or reject, or criticize. Because if there’s pretty there has to be ugly, if there’s small, there has to be big. We can’t just look at ourselves and say “wow, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.” That’s not how it works unless one has a serious mental issue. You can like yourself, sure. Nothing wrong with that. But it’s healthy to have imperfections. It’s human. And that’s what we are, and that’s what people have to deal with. And "toe-like" fingers are just something we’ll have to live with.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Blah.
Today was a blah day. Not excellent, not awful. Does that ever happen to you? You come across those days that aren’t bad, but aren’t good either. And you just come home and sigh and hope tomorrow won’t be as…blah. Everything is blah to us adolescents. It’s either a “blah” or “the world is ending” situation. Never in between. In between is boring. Who needs that when you have extremes? I’m not making sense.
What does that even mean? Make sense. Is it understanding? Crazy people make sense…to other insane people. I guess it’s a matter of being on the same page.
I was thinking about things people do. I mean things that make us different.
Everyone has that one thing they do. That one thing they do that makes them feel like they’re in a different dimension or out of their own body. Whether it’s writing a poem, or tackling others and throwing footballs, or being up on stage and singing or dancing. I remember, I was having a rough day at my singing lesson, and as I was doing warm-ups my teacher just looked up at me and said , “You’re lost without singing, aren’t you?”
I said, “What?”
She said, “You’re lost without it. You can’t function.” And when I thought about it, she was right. I simply could not function without belting out those notes or humming along to a soft melody every once in a while. It’s my therapy. When I’m stressed I pick up a guitar and disappear, went I’m angry I shut my door and sing some Paramore. When I’m sad I go on the piano. Doesn’t everyone have that? Something that makes them feel like they can get away from themselves for at least one minute and be somebody else, somewhere else?
And I don’t really count drugs as a hobby. Then again people could brand anything as their hobby nowadays.
Do those even exist anymore? Or do people just sit around and watch TV and eat? Hey, those could be hobbies. A hobby could be anything right? It could be sitting on the toilet or watching the rain fall. Or doing both at the same time. Anyone could put a name on that and call it their hobby. But there’s a big difference between hobby and passion though. Everyone knows that.
I don’t know if I like people saying “This is my life. I live, breathe, and eat, it.” …No. You live life, breathe air, and eat food. Simple as that. Music isn’t my life. It’s not really anyone’s. It could be a giant part of your life and you could be around it almost 24 hours a day. Could make your life better, or could fulfill it, but you don’t wake up and sing every word that comes out of your mouth, or drink a glass of music notes for breakfast, or hear songs when you walk out your front door. You have other factors in life. You can’t set it on one thing. Life has too many things for people to just put blinders on their face and walk forward. And those little factors, and hobbies, and passions are put there so you don’t bore yourself to death by fixing yourself on one thing. Even if it is the one thing that keeps you going everyday, you will drive yourself mad if you don’t take off that blindfold and squint your eyes until they finally open.
There I go again, preaching.
Blah.
What does that even mean? Make sense. Is it understanding? Crazy people make sense…to other insane people. I guess it’s a matter of being on the same page.
I was thinking about things people do. I mean things that make us different.
Everyone has that one thing they do. That one thing they do that makes them feel like they’re in a different dimension or out of their own body. Whether it’s writing a poem, or tackling others and throwing footballs, or being up on stage and singing or dancing. I remember, I was having a rough day at my singing lesson, and as I was doing warm-ups my teacher just looked up at me and said , “You’re lost without singing, aren’t you?”
I said, “What?”
She said, “You’re lost without it. You can’t function.” And when I thought about it, she was right. I simply could not function without belting out those notes or humming along to a soft melody every once in a while. It’s my therapy. When I’m stressed I pick up a guitar and disappear, went I’m angry I shut my door and sing some Paramore. When I’m sad I go on the piano. Doesn’t everyone have that? Something that makes them feel like they can get away from themselves for at least one minute and be somebody else, somewhere else?
And I don’t really count drugs as a hobby. Then again people could brand anything as their hobby nowadays.
Do those even exist anymore? Or do people just sit around and watch TV and eat? Hey, those could be hobbies. A hobby could be anything right? It could be sitting on the toilet or watching the rain fall. Or doing both at the same time. Anyone could put a name on that and call it their hobby. But there’s a big difference between hobby and passion though. Everyone knows that.
I don’t know if I like people saying “This is my life. I live, breathe, and eat, it.” …No. You live life, breathe air, and eat food. Simple as that. Music isn’t my life. It’s not really anyone’s. It could be a giant part of your life and you could be around it almost 24 hours a day. Could make your life better, or could fulfill it, but you don’t wake up and sing every word that comes out of your mouth, or drink a glass of music notes for breakfast, or hear songs when you walk out your front door. You have other factors in life. You can’t set it on one thing. Life has too many things for people to just put blinders on their face and walk forward. And those little factors, and hobbies, and passions are put there so you don’t bore yourself to death by fixing yourself on one thing. Even if it is the one thing that keeps you going everyday, you will drive yourself mad if you don’t take off that blindfold and squint your eyes until they finally open.
There I go again, preaching.
Blah.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I'm Just An Illusion.
So, I decided to write a blog during class. Kind of an experiment I wanted to try so bare with me.
Today I’m in a class full of new faces. Isn’t it amazing how many different faces there are in the world? I heard there are only 6 people in the entire world that look like you. Can you imagine that? At the same time it’s a creepy thought knowing there are 6 people wearing your face. 6 people carrying your physical identity.
(shrug) I try not to think about it. I’m just waiting for the day I actually come across one of those people. What do you even say when you see that? What do you do?
I like to think up a lot of “what if” questions.
What if everything in life were just a computer software? What if everything was just fabricated pixels and we’re just programs? What if you all didn’t exist and I’m not talking to anyone? What if I don’t exist and I’m just the illusion.
Okay, that’s enough.
The truth is, if nobody asked these “what if” questions, we wouldn’t be anywhere. If people didn’t ask “what if I could cure this,” or “what if we could walk on that moon I see every night?” If we didn’t ask those silly questions, we’d still be in the caveman era.
There are so many different kinds of people here. Even in this tiny stuffy room, filled with 20 some people. I like to study them and see how they communicate and carry themselves. When you get a better understanding of how a different variety of people correspond and function, it’s easier to get through life. Reading people is a big part of life. It could alter your decisions and everyone knows that one altered decision could change your life. But enough preaching.
Oh God…someone keeps staring at me.
…maybe I’ll stare back.
Ah perfect. The freaked-out-quick-glance-look-away.
I probably appear to be more cynical than I actually am.
Eh who am I kidding, I am quite cynical. Then again, which teenager isn’t?
This whole thing is kind of sporadic isn’t it?
I think my teacher might be wearing a toupee.
Ah another thing to rant about. I don’t know if it’s just
Think about it, botox, hair implants, face lifts, toupees! It’s like some people want to defy the basic laws of life.
You age.
We all do. It’s a natural process. And with the sickened mind of the media, it’s no wonder 50 year old women want some botox after watching the collagen infested actresses on television. Or that men will poke holes into their heads and place hair follicles inside because they see people like David Hassalhoff with a full head of hair at 50 something. Sure everyone wants to look good, and no woman looks forward to the day they see an army of wrinkles on their face. But it’s the smart ones who accept that ageing, wrinkles, hair loss, sagging, or whatever it might be, happens. And the smarter ones who accept that person when they’re missing all their teeth and their face looks like a prune.
Sooner or later it won’t matter how much crap you inject into your lips or how much skin you lift. We’re all going to the same place, and will eventually end up looking the same.
And as much of a grim thought it is, it’s the truth. And you can’t cover up the truth with botox.
Monday, October 5, 2009
You're Crazy, Darling.
Oh, Pisces. Probably the most dreaded astrological sign anyone could possibly fall upon. Those who’s birthdays fall between February 20th and March 20th are simply screwed. The most complicated demented sign of them all. Self destructive, distorted. The worst part is we’re cursed with these outrageous emotions that only psychos are capable of feeling.
We’re everyone’s therapist because people feel “comfortable” around us and like they can “relate”. Well that’s only because we’ve been through everything. And if we haven’t, we make sure we do. Experiencing every emotion known to man is critical for Pisces. I mean what else can we do? We’re the fish. We swim in the dark depths of the ocean, just floating and drifting past everything in our lives while trying to contain as much information as possible so we can use it against people. Just kidding, we're not that synical. The truth is all we want to do is give. Whether it's giving happiness or prosperity, selflessness is the only way we can live.
We’re a different person every day. The person you saw yesterday is not the same one you’re listening to today. That person has probably found 10 more personalities in the last hour. We can never make a decision, yet we find ourselves in situations we where have to make them all the time. And don't get me started on relationships. Love is the rarest to hold onto because like the fish, we simply swim away the second we find something better. Maybe Pisceaneans don’t even feel this way. Maybe they’ve never even heard these despicable opinions. Unless they have. Maybe I’m not the only psychotic person in this world.
…Then again I could just be alone on this one.
We’re everyone’s therapist because people feel “comfortable” around us and like they can “relate”. Well that’s only because we’ve been through everything. And if we haven’t, we make sure we do. Experiencing every emotion known to man is critical for Pisces. I mean what else can we do? We’re the fish. We swim in the dark depths of the ocean, just floating and drifting past everything in our lives while trying to contain as much information as possible so we can use it against people. Just kidding, we're not that synical. The truth is all we want to do is give. Whether it's giving happiness or prosperity, selflessness is the only way we can live.
We’re a different person every day. The person you saw yesterday is not the same one you’re listening to today. That person has probably found 10 more personalities in the last hour. We can never make a decision, yet we find ourselves in situations we where have to make them all the time. And don't get me started on relationships. Love is the rarest to hold onto because like the fish, we simply swim away the second we find something better. Maybe Pisceaneans don’t even feel this way. Maybe they’ve never even heard these despicable opinions. Unless they have. Maybe I’m not the only psychotic person in this world.
…Then again I could just be alone on this one.
Monday, September 28, 2009
He Said She Said
Ahh, rumors. One of the essentials to being in high school. Whether they’re about you, a friend, an enemy, people just can’t seem to get enough of that juicy gossip that may or may not be true. And why should they care if it is or isn’t? It’s scandalous and dirty and that’s really all that matters.
The thing about people is that they need some sense of excitement. They work all day, and sleep all night, then do the same thing over again for a week. What could possibly serve as some form of entertainment? Then one day someone over hears Jenny’s having an affair, or Martha’s hiding the fact that she’s pregnant because her stomach is getting a little bigger. And pretty soon it makes its way to the entire workplace or school. And by the time it reaches their own ears, it sounds something more like “Martha slept with Jenny’s husband and is now pregnant but isn’t telling anyone, then having the baby in guam and selling it for extra cash so they can elope to Nevada”.
And just like that, everyone’s view on Martha becomes twisted. She is no longer the friendly co-worker, but a husband stealing baby selling home wrecker. And she’s left puzzled, when she’s not even pregnant and has just been eating a little too many donuts.
Yes, I’ve had a fair share of rumors spread about me and the occasional cowardly “blocked number” calls and messages left on my phone. But who hasn’t? People love to talk. And what are you gonna do? Telling them it isn’t true won’t stop anything. Even if someone doesn’t have a smudge of written proof, or a picture, or a video, or even knowledge of when or how the so-called rumor occurred, it won’t stop them from rolling their eyes and telling the next person they see. You gotta love gossip.
The thing about people is that they need some sense of excitement. They work all day, and sleep all night, then do the same thing over again for a week. What could possibly serve as some form of entertainment? Then one day someone over hears Jenny’s having an affair, or Martha’s hiding the fact that she’s pregnant because her stomach is getting a little bigger. And pretty soon it makes its way to the entire workplace or school. And by the time it reaches their own ears, it sounds something more like “Martha slept with Jenny’s husband and is now pregnant but isn’t telling anyone, then having the baby in guam and selling it for extra cash so they can elope to Nevada”.
And just like that, everyone’s view on Martha becomes twisted. She is no longer the friendly co-worker, but a husband stealing baby selling home wrecker. And she’s left puzzled, when she’s not even pregnant and has just been eating a little too many donuts.
Yes, I’ve had a fair share of rumors spread about me and the occasional cowardly “blocked number” calls and messages left on my phone. But who hasn’t? People love to talk. And what are you gonna do? Telling them it isn’t true won’t stop anything. Even if someone doesn’t have a smudge of written proof, or a picture, or a video, or even knowledge of when or how the so-called rumor occurred, it won’t stop them from rolling their eyes and telling the next person they see. You gotta love gossip.
The Obamas' Pup
Hmm... what to write, what to write.
Today's Yom Kippur. The Jewish holiday in which we must starve ourselves for 24 hours in order to show repentance…or something. Personally, I don’t see the point. I believe in God and all but why should we have to not eat or shower or drink or use electricity, to show we’re sorry for what we’ve done this past year? Maybe it’s to test us.
I think the bible and the Torah are just big books of morals. They’re just stories written to teach us lessons and stuff about life. So for those who say that it’s physically impossible to split the sea;….duh. It’s just a symbol for a lesson about freedom. Where would we be without these morals or teachings? Eh, it’s not like we’d be anywhere further than where we are now.
Anyway, I could do perfectly fine asking for forgiveness without being on the verge of fainting. It might be a discipline thing. Like, “If you’re really that sorry than show me” kinda thing. Eh who knows? I don’t know the mysteries behind religion.
What I don’t get is how people can kill or start a war based on religion. How can someone possibly take one’s life away because they believe in something different? How can a guy blow up a bus because those people don’t practice the same religion he does? That just goes to show how ignorant and hateful society is.
All it is nowadays is violence, publicity, and war. Well war could fall under violence. But think about it; I see president Obama more on People Magazine covers, talking about what dog to get his daughters, than I do seeing him at meetings and actually doing something. And the scary part is, people don’t care.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having a black prez. It’s awesome that it finally happened, but all people care about is the media. You hear more about Khloe Kardashian’s wedding than you do about healthcare or what Obama will do to help the nation. You see more of Michelle Obama’s stylish outfits than her contribution to the White House. And it’s not her fault; she’s probably doing a lot. But it seems like now, nobody cares enough to talk about it and no magazines want to publish that. Cause of course- it’s not entertaining. They’ll just keep posting updates on what puppy the Obama family decides to get.
Today's Yom Kippur. The Jewish holiday in which we must starve ourselves for 24 hours in order to show repentance…or something. Personally, I don’t see the point. I believe in God and all but why should we have to not eat or shower or drink or use electricity, to show we’re sorry for what we’ve done this past year? Maybe it’s to test us.
I think the bible and the Torah are just big books of morals. They’re just stories written to teach us lessons and stuff about life. So for those who say that it’s physically impossible to split the sea;….duh. It’s just a symbol for a lesson about freedom. Where would we be without these morals or teachings? Eh, it’s not like we’d be anywhere further than where we are now.
Anyway, I could do perfectly fine asking for forgiveness without being on the verge of fainting. It might be a discipline thing. Like, “If you’re really that sorry than show me” kinda thing. Eh who knows? I don’t know the mysteries behind religion.
What I don’t get is how people can kill or start a war based on religion. How can someone possibly take one’s life away because they believe in something different? How can a guy blow up a bus because those people don’t practice the same religion he does? That just goes to show how ignorant and hateful society is.
All it is nowadays is violence, publicity, and war. Well war could fall under violence. But think about it; I see president Obama more on People Magazine covers, talking about what dog to get his daughters, than I do seeing him at meetings and actually doing something. And the scary part is, people don’t care.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for having a black prez. It’s awesome that it finally happened, but all people care about is the media. You hear more about Khloe Kardashian’s wedding than you do about healthcare or what Obama will do to help the nation. You see more of Michelle Obama’s stylish outfits than her contribution to the White House. And it’s not her fault; she’s probably doing a lot. But it seems like now, nobody cares enough to talk about it and no magazines want to publish that. Cause of course- it’s not entertaining. They’ll just keep posting updates on what puppy the Obama family decides to get.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Brains Aren't Beautiful
It always happens like this. You get the best ideas to write down when you’re left without any materials, but once you get a notebook full of blank paper and a sharpened pencil, your mind goes . You have no idea what you want to pour out of your mind and onto a bunch of dead trees, so you sit frustrated as you ponder and ponder hopelessly waiting for something- anything, to come up in that noggin of yours.
I wonder what life would be like if we used 100% of our brains. I mean we only use what, 10%? Would we be able to read minds? Figure out the answer to life? Move things without touching them?
I think we wouldn’t even be humans anymore. Isn’t the beauty of life learning, and not knowing every answer? Being able to do and figure out everything isn’t living. It’s suicide. Where’s the fun in that? Where’s the mystery? If we had the capability then what would even be the point of being here? But there wouldn’t be any journeys, explorations, experiments, nothing. Man, there were a lot of rhetorical questions.
I read in this psychology book “A Road Less Traveled”, that people who ignore death and the whole mystery behind it don’t live their lives to the fullest potiential. He gave this example:
People working in an office. They don’t really do much most of the time if they have all the time to do it. But once you give them a deadline, they work like hell to get their stuff done. They try to fit in every little thing before that deadline. And that’s exactly what death is- a deadline.
What would our purpose even be if we were here forever? If life didn’t end there would be no such thing as rush, impulse, risks. They wouldn’t exist without that deadline. So technically, death is really what keeps us going; not life.
I wonder what life would be like if we used 100% of our brains. I mean we only use what, 10%? Would we be able to read minds? Figure out the answer to life? Move things without touching them?
I think we wouldn’t even be humans anymore. Isn’t the beauty of life learning, and not knowing every answer? Being able to do and figure out everything isn’t living. It’s suicide. Where’s the fun in that? Where’s the mystery? If we had the capability then what would even be the point of being here? But there wouldn’t be any journeys, explorations, experiments, nothing. Man, there were a lot of rhetorical questions.
I read in this psychology book “A Road Less Traveled”, that people who ignore death and the whole mystery behind it don’t live their lives to the fullest potiential. He gave this example:
People working in an office. They don’t really do much most of the time if they have all the time to do it. But once you give them a deadline, they work like hell to get their stuff done. They try to fit in every little thing before that deadline. And that’s exactly what death is- a deadline.
What would our purpose even be if we were here forever? If life didn’t end there would be no such thing as rush, impulse, risks. They wouldn’t exist without that deadline. So technically, death is really what keeps us going; not life.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Call Me Crazy
If we could all fly, we’d wish to be able to walk.
We’d wish to feel the dirt in between our toes and the grass underneath our feet.
It’s just human nature; we all want what we cannot have.
I know that my biggest wish is to fly. Why? Because I can’t. It simply defies reality and the law of gravity; which fascinates me. It gives me a sense of mysterious hope, which is why I crave the feeling. I want nothing more than to feel the wind in my hair and nothing but air underneath and around me. The feeling of floating and feeling so liberated instead of confined to this, dare I say it, ground.
As much as I hate ground and stability, the truth is, I can’t live without it. Most of us can’t. How could we live without something to always come back to? Whether it’s your home, your family, your hobby. Everyone needs a sense of solidity in their lives. Or else we’d all be crazy.
Ugh that word, “crazy”. What does it even mean? Aren’t we all crazy? Even normal people are crazy. Especially for being something as horrid as ordinary. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t picture my life to be simple. I don’t want the perfect family or the routine days, the ideal husband. Psh. Who does? Who wants to wake up in the morning, already knowing what they're going to do or have? Not me.
However, some people cringe at the thought of a broken life. All they do is strive for a solid, faultless life. They want nothing more than to have that picture perfect family. But that comes later in life. After adolescence takes its toll on our mind.
Aren’t we all just wishing for some way of self destruction? After all, we are teenagers. That’s all we do; complicate things. And we complicate them in a way that somehow always screws us over in the end. And how can you blame us? Without it, our life would be nothing more than slow, boring, and routine. And just the thought of that makes me shiver.
We’d wish to feel the dirt in between our toes and the grass underneath our feet.
It’s just human nature; we all want what we cannot have.
I know that my biggest wish is to fly. Why? Because I can’t. It simply defies reality and the law of gravity; which fascinates me. It gives me a sense of mysterious hope, which is why I crave the feeling. I want nothing more than to feel the wind in my hair and nothing but air underneath and around me. The feeling of floating and feeling so liberated instead of confined to this, dare I say it, ground.
As much as I hate ground and stability, the truth is, I can’t live without it. Most of us can’t. How could we live without something to always come back to? Whether it’s your home, your family, your hobby. Everyone needs a sense of solidity in their lives. Or else we’d all be crazy.
Ugh that word, “crazy”. What does it even mean? Aren’t we all crazy? Even normal people are crazy. Especially for being something as horrid as ordinary. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t picture my life to be simple. I don’t want the perfect family or the routine days, the ideal husband. Psh. Who does? Who wants to wake up in the morning, already knowing what they're going to do or have? Not me.
However, some people cringe at the thought of a broken life. All they do is strive for a solid, faultless life. They want nothing more than to have that picture perfect family. But that comes later in life. After adolescence takes its toll on our mind.
Aren’t we all just wishing for some way of self destruction? After all, we are teenagers. That’s all we do; complicate things. And we complicate them in a way that somehow always screws us over in the end. And how can you blame us? Without it, our life would be nothing more than slow, boring, and routine. And just the thought of that makes me shiver.
Love Shmove.
I hate that stupid shit, love.I hate memories, I hate moving on, I hate letting go.Going through all of it. Can someone please tell me, what’s the point? All it does is traumatize. No wonder people are so afraid to fall in love. It’s possibly the worst emotion we are capable of feeling or giving. Because once it’s gone, you just wanna rip your hair out and cry or crawl under a rock and never get out from under it. Finding old notes you wrote to them, having those stupid glimpses, seeing couples holding hands and being reminded of the warm ones that never left yours.
Love is such a vague word. No one knows what it is, and yet the term gets thrown around like it’s nothing. Love has 398587 different meanings. People say it to acquaintances everyday, to friends they barely know. To boyfriends and girlfriends they’ve known for a week, and break up after a week. I personally hate it. It can drive a person mad, to the point where they can’t even function anymore. To the point where they would turn down every person in the world if it meant saving themselves from love. I finally get the cliché saying: “love is a drug”. I finally see it. See, when you have it, you feel like you’re on top of the world, like nothing can stop you. The best feeling in the world. But when it’s gone, you’re miserable. Like you can’t live without it, and you don’t even want to think how you would. And if you’ve never had it before, you just crave the feeling, wishing you could just have it even for a second. Curiosity’s a bitch.
Pre-love; that’s all giggles and warm fuzzy feelings. The way your face just lifts up when you receive a message from them, how anything they say sounds better than anything in the whole world. Suddenly the music they listen to is the only music you have in your head. And before you know it, you can’t stop thinking about them for a second. Every little thing reminds you of them and those cute things they do and say to you. You want to spend every second with them, maybe the rest of your life. Even if you’re only fifteen.
Post-love; that’s when the fights start, when everything they say is just so mean and shitty and you wish they weren’t so oblivious to your emotions. Communication becomes mission impossible. It’s when they stop caring or making an effort. When suddenly everything they do gets on your nerves. Every little thing reminds you of them and all those times you cried and felt miserable. And all you want is to just go back to that time when everything was perfect and beautiful, but it’s impossible.
It’s too late. Everything’s done. Even weeks later you want to tackle any girl who even looks or talks to him, who brushes their hand on his shoulder and laughs. But you can’t. They aren’t yours anymore. Not your baby, or snookems, or whatever. You love them so much you hate them. Even the sound of their name makes your stomach churn. And it all drives you insane because as much as you loathe that person, you want nothing more than to just be with them and hold their hand and tell them everything’s going to be okay.
Love is such a vague word. No one knows what it is, and yet the term gets thrown around like it’s nothing. Love has 398587 different meanings. People say it to acquaintances everyday, to friends they barely know. To boyfriends and girlfriends they’ve known for a week, and break up after a week. I personally hate it. It can drive a person mad, to the point where they can’t even function anymore. To the point where they would turn down every person in the world if it meant saving themselves from love. I finally get the cliché saying: “love is a drug”. I finally see it. See, when you have it, you feel like you’re on top of the world, like nothing can stop you. The best feeling in the world. But when it’s gone, you’re miserable. Like you can’t live without it, and you don’t even want to think how you would. And if you’ve never had it before, you just crave the feeling, wishing you could just have it even for a second. Curiosity’s a bitch.
Pre-love; that’s all giggles and warm fuzzy feelings. The way your face just lifts up when you receive a message from them, how anything they say sounds better than anything in the whole world. Suddenly the music they listen to is the only music you have in your head. And before you know it, you can’t stop thinking about them for a second. Every little thing reminds you of them and those cute things they do and say to you. You want to spend every second with them, maybe the rest of your life. Even if you’re only fifteen.
Post-love; that’s when the fights start, when everything they say is just so mean and shitty and you wish they weren’t so oblivious to your emotions. Communication becomes mission impossible. It’s when they stop caring or making an effort. When suddenly everything they do gets on your nerves. Every little thing reminds you of them and all those times you cried and felt miserable. And all you want is to just go back to that time when everything was perfect and beautiful, but it’s impossible.
It’s too late. Everything’s done. Even weeks later you want to tackle any girl who even looks or talks to him, who brushes their hand on his shoulder and laughs. But you can’t. They aren’t yours anymore. Not your baby, or snookems, or whatever. You love them so much you hate them. Even the sound of their name makes your stomach churn. And it all drives you insane because as much as you loathe that person, you want nothing more than to just be with them and hold their hand and tell them everything’s going to be okay.
MJ's Therapist
this is me trying to be a psychologist.
alllllrightie.i basically just finished watching "Life With Michael Jackson"that documentary made by that asshole british writer, have you seen it?if you havent, he basically talks about everything thats happend in his life.
he stated that his dad abused the shit out of him. him and his brothers would rehearse and his dad would have a belt in his hand, ready to whip anyone who messed up.
his dad would call him ugly, and would make fun of his acne and his nose, and when he was a child he basically didnt get to live...not to mention he was in the spotlight 24/7.
he would be recording while kids outside played. if you ask me, thats prettttty scarring for a childhood. basically not getting to be... a child. which is necessary for your later life, no?
then i watched him play with this arcade machine, and it was probably the sweetest, purest thing ive ever seen.he was just so...innocent. like a little kid. he didnt even listen to what the interviewer was saying. he was playing his toy as if he was no older than a 5 year old. and i strongly believe that he did not sexually abuse any kid. if you think about it; he never had a childhood. he didnt get to be a kid. always working and being in the spotlight.
hes obsessed with children because he never got to be one.so he surrounds himself with the image he wish he could have had. he says that children make him happy, and theyre his inspiration. he said he'd die without their existence.and he said that the world just needs more love.this man was pleading to the interviewer, saying he didnt see anything wrong with sharing a room with a kid. he just wanted to share his love, and said that the whole world should be like that.and even though some of his actions may be a little...amplified, i truly believe that hes just an innocent child. and he's really just trying to be a kid. kids have sleepovers with each other. but he just doesnt see that its "wrong" because he sees himself as a child. no one really sees it from his point of view. if you think about it...why would he be sexually molesting these children?
i mean, after what his dad did to him and his brothers, he vowed never to lay a hand on any child. and why would he get along better with adults? the only one who was around in his life, hurt him all the time, and didnt even allow him to call him "dad". anyone who calls him a pedophile is just ignorant. there is no proof. those kids could just be lying. their mothers could have told them to state some bullshit to get money.after all, he did invite underprivileged children to his Neverland ranch. im not saying its not true, maybe he did. maybe i'm wrong and he is a child molester.but after watching that whole thing, i just saw this kid. innocent and pure, and who just wanted to live out the childhood he never had. if you havent seen the documentary, i recommend you do... you'll get what i'm sezzin.
alllllrightie.i basically just finished watching "Life With Michael Jackson"that documentary made by that asshole british writer, have you seen it?if you havent, he basically talks about everything thats happend in his life.
he stated that his dad abused the shit out of him. him and his brothers would rehearse and his dad would have a belt in his hand, ready to whip anyone who messed up.
his dad would call him ugly, and would make fun of his acne and his nose, and when he was a child he basically didnt get to live...not to mention he was in the spotlight 24/7.
he would be recording while kids outside played. if you ask me, thats prettttty scarring for a childhood. basically not getting to be... a child. which is necessary for your later life, no?
then i watched him play with this arcade machine, and it was probably the sweetest, purest thing ive ever seen.he was just so...innocent. like a little kid. he didnt even listen to what the interviewer was saying. he was playing his toy as if he was no older than a 5 year old. and i strongly believe that he did not sexually abuse any kid. if you think about it; he never had a childhood. he didnt get to be a kid. always working and being in the spotlight.
hes obsessed with children because he never got to be one.so he surrounds himself with the image he wish he could have had. he says that children make him happy, and theyre his inspiration. he said he'd die without their existence.and he said that the world just needs more love.this man was pleading to the interviewer, saying he didnt see anything wrong with sharing a room with a kid. he just wanted to share his love, and said that the whole world should be like that.and even though some of his actions may be a little...amplified, i truly believe that hes just an innocent child. and he's really just trying to be a kid. kids have sleepovers with each other. but he just doesnt see that its "wrong" because he sees himself as a child. no one really sees it from his point of view. if you think about it...why would he be sexually molesting these children?
i mean, after what his dad did to him and his brothers, he vowed never to lay a hand on any child. and why would he get along better with adults? the only one who was around in his life, hurt him all the time, and didnt even allow him to call him "dad". anyone who calls him a pedophile is just ignorant. there is no proof. those kids could just be lying. their mothers could have told them to state some bullshit to get money.after all, he did invite underprivileged children to his Neverland ranch. im not saying its not true, maybe he did. maybe i'm wrong and he is a child molester.but after watching that whole thing, i just saw this kid. innocent and pure, and who just wanted to live out the childhood he never had. if you havent seen the documentary, i recommend you do... you'll get what i'm sezzin.
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