Me Trying To Be A Psychologist

I think it's so easy to just be hardened and cold. I mean if you think about it, it's simple to turn off your emotions and block out the world. But what I never understood was why nobody ever brings up that it's actually harder to live life being vulnerable. Because being vulnerable...hurts like hell.

Letting yourself feel can be so overwhelming. Love, happiness, depression, anger, frustration, joy these are all emotions we humans go through that can be amplified to 100 percent. Sometimes almost too much for our bodies to handle.

Being in love can give you the greatest high, and getting your heart broken can bring on the most excruciating pain. Sure one can run away from these feelings, just stow them in the back of their mind and move on, but isn't it braver to actually go through them as huge as they are? All of those sad souls who float through life claiming to be stronger than everyone else just because they don't show or address their pain…I just don't get it.

Because it's so simple to just pass by life not acknowledging anything you feel, not connecting with anybody or even yourself. Hell, I used to do it. My emotions used to be as easy as turning off a light switch. But it was miserable. I didn't enjoy anything, and I never really remembered many moments because I didn't let myself be in them. I was too scared to let myself go and be present at risk of getting hurt. I didn't realize I was prolonging my suffering by not letting myself connect or enjoy anything. That's no way to live.

And I learned over time, that nobody should ever be ashamed of their emotions. We shouldn't even question them, everyone has them! We shouldn't ask ourselves why we feel depressed after something sad happens or why we feel anxious before we have to do something scary. That's how we are programmed, we are the way we are. Yeah some are more socially awkward than others, some are more joyous, more paranoid, harsher, more sensitive, but none of it is wrong or right. It's just what makes us who we are. 

It's all normal! And anyone who tells you it's not, is wrong. The ones who say "get over it already", they don't know what goes through your thought process or how you internalized what's happening. 

And that's what really makes us question whether or not it's okay to feel, is how others react to our pain. The person who cried in front of her parents and never got any sympathy will most likely see showing emotion as a sign of weakness because of the cold reaction they got repeatedly.

Doesn't mean crying is weak.

And what nobody really mentions is that it takes a lot of training to tell yourself that it showing emotion isn't shameful if you've faced your whole life having people minimize and ignore yours. 

I think it's strong and beautiful to allow yourself to feel and open your heart. To be able to live every moment as it is fully…that's what we're here on earth for. To get the whole experience. It's must be terrible to just float through life letting every person and experience pass you by, avoiding contact and connection with people all because it might hurt too much in the long run. And I know. 

I've let myself fully love and get hurt, and as much as it sucked and felt like someone was driving a knife through my chest every day once the pain followed the insane high of love, I was so relieved that I was able to feel that love. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not going to pretend like I'm made of stone. And nobody else should. I've been hurt and cried daily, ate like an insane person, got depressed, then went through a healing process and got happy again. That's life, why should we even try to hide it and act like it doesn't happen to everyone?

And yes it's okay to be closed off after we get hurt, it's our natural reaction to protect ourselves. But to prolong the numbness and distant behavior for years to avoid more scarring just does not do us any good. Because just like happiness passes, so does pain.

Eventually pain always seems like it was so small. Like it wasn't even all that bad because things are better in your current state. Like when you think back to a time you scraped your knee in the playground. You probably cried so much when it happened. You were scared, and in so much pain. And now, you don't even remember the pain. You tell that story as if it were any other story.

And I think if we can look at a horrible phase from the past as just that, a story from the past, then anything we go through today can be seen the same way.

I look back at some hellish moments of my life that were the lowest, most unstable times, like they're so small now. Pain only seems amplified while it's happening because it's relevant. But when it's not anymore, it's like everything we went through wasn't so bad.

And I think we need to remind ourselves that everyone goes through hardships. Nobody is more scarred than the other, nobody is more troubled than the other and nobody has been hurt more than the other. We all feel differently, think diversely and have different ways of dealing with situations and feelings. Someone's idea of life ending could be as drastic as the death of a close one, or a low grade on a test. 

But I don't know, I don't even know what my point is. I just don't want to see anyone living their life in closed off numbness thinking it's benefitting them, because it's probably not.

I know that it is scary to feel. It's terrifying to let yourself have your emotions out on the table for anyone to pick at, step on, or nurture. But it's also the beauty of life. It's the beauty of relationships. It's what gives everything dynamic and fun and contrast.

And those who are vulnerable are not weak, just the opposite. They're the brave ones. The ones who endure the overwhelming highs and lows of life with courage. 

Speaking of your emotions openly shows self awareness. I just hate that society has formed this opinion that the one who talks about their feelings is whiny and overly sensitive while the one who stows them in the back of their minds could handle anything. Like that cliche "the superhero never cries". They forget to leave out that superheroes aren't human.

Because shutting yourself off to protect yourself forever…that's running away. It may soothe you shortly but before you know it, you could be looking at your life as one big grey blur that you voluntarily missed out on just because you didn't want to face some tiny bumps in the road.

What is life without intimacy, without being smitten with happiness from an amazing night or crying your eyes out over an ended relationship or terribly anxious over a huge life change?
It's all just one big scary roller coaster, and I think that the ones who willingly sit in the front row and brace themselves for the ride are the most courageous souls of all.

Me? No You.

I think the world would be a much better place if people listened more to one another. If individuals contributed to the world, without only focusing on what they'd benefit from it.

I mean think of the things it would accomplish; world hunger, poverty, depression.

Isn't most depression caused by people feeling neglected and not wanted? I'm not saying depression is controllable- it is a disease-but it's certainly not questionable why the parents who become consumed with their own lives don't notice that their child is suicidal, or abusing drugs.

Neglect and narcissism is what has caused so many of the world's problems. It explains why millions are starving and homeless, left without health insurance or clean water. It's why the 99% even exists.

What if we weren't concerned about our own money, our own well-being, our own happiness…would we focus our attention on helping others achieve that?

It's okay to care for oneself, of course it is. We need to be alive and well before we can help others, before we can be an active part of others' lives. But why is it that when we have all of this - health, happiness, security - we still feel the need to keep everything for ourselves? Is it not enough to just be doing fine in order to turn our attention outwards? Has this world conditioned us to think that if we're not at the top, nobody else deserves to be? It's like we always need better and more.

What we need is more humbleness in this world. More people who are accepting of other's help, who care more about contributing, and who can stop the greedy tendencies to give a share to someone who needs it. We could use more people who don't spend their time inflating their heads with ideas that they are the most powerful human beings.

Obviously we shouldn't give all of our money away to any person we see on the street, but when we see those commercials of african children dying of hunger, what makes most of America change the channel and say "someone else can do it, I need my money."?

Because first of all, if you're even watching television you sure don't need the money as much as a person without a parcel to eat does.

I hope most of you reading this are saying "I give to charity all the time" and I do commend you for that, it is an honorable deed that we should all perform if we have the means to.

But what if we look at something less dramatic, something we deal with daily? Like helping out a friend who needs a ride, or lending someone fifty cents to buy lunch, or even sitting to listen to your classmate talk about her never-ending fascination with sloths? Why do we do these things, why should people care about others?

If you were a narcissist, you'd say "I don't care and I wouldn't do those things because I don't get anything out of it." and you'd probably end up being very alone and troubled for a long part of your life. Because let's face it, nobody wants to be around a person who doesn't make them feel good in some way or another.

It's not rewarding to be around someone who doesn't give back to what you've been giving, who doesn't listen to the one word you say when you've spent the other 90% of the time listening to them. We learn that in basic psychology, there needs to be some sort of balance in all of the relationships we have. If all we do is sit and listen to the other person blab for three hours about themselves and then watch them look around the room carelessly once we open our mouths to speak, what makes us want to pick up the phone and say "let's totally do that again?" it's not satisfying and it's just exhausting. Because we're not robots, and we're all looking for pleasure and affection. 

But we're getting off topic.

I personally think that being caught up in oneself is redundant and self destructive. I mean, hello! We've known ourselves our entire lives. We spend every waking moment with ourselves so why wouldn't we want to invite someone else into the picture? I'm sure we can spare one moment of being with our old selves to share an experience with another human being. To distract us from the person that has become boring to pay attention to by now. We need to ask questions, have conversations, build relationships.

Because as human beings, we're social creatures. That is the way it has always been. From the tightly knitted villages in the old times to the "circle of friends" social networking sites now, we've always been accustomed to having relationships with others.

We're not meant to be alone, we're not made to stay in a room with ourselves isolated for all eternity and shouldn't wonder why people who do that become depressed and suicidal. Interaction is necessary.

We're meant to make ties with other people, share our lives, and invite them into ours. We're supposed to talk, smile, laugh, acknowledge others.
What's the point of life if we don't share it with at least one other person? If we keep everything to ourselves and look straight ahead, just thinking about our own lives, how can others give us knowledge?

I believe someone who is egoistic is ignorant. I don't understand how they could possibly be that knowledgable if the only thing they know is their own life, and their own needs.

Growing up, my family always taught me to be open minded, and to never judge others. To always open myself up to learning about someone else's ways and ask questions and be inviting because that is what expands your mind.

What if we all lived by these words?

Hell, there'd be no such thing as racism, antisemitism, homophobia. Because the causes of all of that are simple; egoism. By only having the knowledge about one's own life, one's own religion, one's own opinions. If we never ask questions about anybody else, how are we supposed to expand our minds? How the hell are we supposed to understand another lifestyle if we only know our own and don't make any efforts to learn about theirs?

Contributing and caring about others' lives is what makes the world go round. That's what takes society forward.

Only when we open our own hearts to the world can we hold someone else's and absorb all the knowledge it has to offer. And that's what life is all about. Caring for other people and letting others care for you. You can't do it alone and shouldn't try to.

The world needs less Scrooges and Hitlers, and needs more Gandhis and Dalai Lamas. Hell, maybe not even Gandhis…just people who aren't so caught up in their own nonsense about their money, looks, and materials.

Nobody wants to spend their time listening to you indulge about your shoe collection or the fact that you have all these "cool skills and money" that you want to keep for yourself. Because life needs balance. You need to give as much as you take. You need to listen to others when they listen to you, and you need to contribute to the world that has brought you all of the things you love.

Because we've all read the Christmas story and we know what happens to Scrooge. We've read the history books and know what has happened to Hitler.

Go be a John Lennon and write a song about peace that the world still sings decades later.

Next time you're with someone just ask. Absorb some knowledge and insight about their lives. Learn something about the endless diversity of our world. Contribute, care.

Because if we died tomorrow, we'd sure as hell be happier leaving this Earth knowing that we made the world a little bit better just by being the open minded, loving person we can be.