Ghost

Isn't it insane, that we can recycle people in our lives?
I mean think about it.
We can replace them, re-use them, use the remnants of them to benefit our lives?

I always thought that concept was so incredible.
Treating a person like....cardboard.

If I think of my life a year ago, I had completely different friends, love life, and I didn't even associate with the things I do now.

Is that a part of growing up or is it just our mentality?

People I used to text, call, every single day, are now complete strangers I check up with on Facebook once a year.

People I used to open my entire life to, see every hour of the day, plan to spend forever with, have disappeared as if our story had never happened.

As if our lives are one long book and that chapter has been backspaced out of existence.

People don't understand why adolescence and young adulthood is so hard but what they don't keep in mind is we're always recycling.

Changing friends, lovers, minds.

We're not at the phase of life yet where we can even envision hold onto something forever. Where we can exchange vows, find stability in groups, know who and what we are. Where someone disappearing IS out of the ordinary.

This is the period where we are just replacing, re-using and taking bits and pieces of our mistakes to help make our lives less troublesome.

That was a weird metaphor.

Fearless

I look at the moon differently now.

That’s a thing.

I used to just glance at it, only noticing it if it was full or in that weird big yellow harvest stage.

But now I just stare at it for hours. Even when it’s a small insignificant sliver in the sky barely emitting any light.

I guess I just wonder if you see it too, from wherever you are.

As if in that moment that I’m looking at it, you are too. And maybe we’re together for that  one instant. 

I know it’s stupid.

I know it’s irrational and exaggerated and overly romanticized.

But that’s how I am now. Is this what they say love does to you?

I cry in movies now.

That was never a thing.

I used to enjoy love stories and envy them, maybe feel sad for the characters sometimes.

Now I practically live through them,

As if everything they’re going through is my problem, my life, and I have to cry about it.

I bump into things a lot now.

I guess my mind is always somewhere else, somewhere with you.

My mind is weeks ahead, to when I’m with you again, falling asleep next to you, giggling when you call me beautiful.

Those thoughts are worth the bruises.

I find myself caring more about myself now.

You give me a reasons to appreciate myself, since someone as awesome as you has decided to spend so much time with me and even find me kind of awesome.

As weird as it sounds, it feels like my heart permanently beats a little faster now.

I’m always in this antsy high where I wait for your texts, and then get so giddy when I see your name on my phone. It gets worse when I see you’re calling me and I’m about to hear your voice.

Are you listening to this? I’m a wreck.

I’m a nervous, antsy, emotional, overly-romanticizing, ooey gooey, giddy wreck.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.