But I'm Just A Kid...

Boom Boom Bang, I got the fire.

I’ve recently fallen in love with Ke$ha. I think it might be because she sounds like she’s wasted while she speaks. Even though she’s not.

And I kind of admire those people who aren’t afraid to show they’re damaged.
People like Courtney Love or …I don’t know, Amy Winehouse. You know; screw ups.
Because they don’t cover up their vulnerability like most of us do. They don’t put some tough armor on and doubt every accusation they receive.
They simply say, “Here I am, I’m messed up. I’m a drunk. Don’t feel like hiding it.” And I truly admire their brave souls.

It is hard to show who we really are. One of the reasons being we’re so afraid of judgment. One of our biggest fears is being conceived as someone we are not. Having our soul out in the open for everyone to glare at and look into and make up what they want to.
So, we shield ourselves. Something we learned when we were merely tots. When that kid called us a “nose picker” or “infested with cooties”.
We automatically went into this state. Going into our own selves and staying there because it felt safe.
That’s what we believed was the right thing to do. After all, it is our body’s natural response.

When we get older, we resort to things that make us feel better. Good and bad.
Drinking, drugs, food, they’re all things that make us feel protected. Like our soul is buried so far deep that we can’t even see it ourselves. So nobody else can see it right?
It’s weird, huh? Things we obtain as children that we carry around with us forever?
I mean, it’s all about the foundation.
If a kid doesn’t have a good ground, they have nothing. You can’t teach someone manners, or that “sharing is caring” at eighteen. Our brains are pretty much done molding by then. It’s simply finished. And everything we have collected has been stored. So we just do it. Either out of habit or just unconsciously.

Gimme boom boom bang.

The thing about us is that we never do grow up. I mean, we take responsibility for ourselves eventually, but do we ever wake up in a business suit, or to find we’re three times our size?
It’s all a gradual process that is…fairly hard.
Hell, some people don’t even grow up.
Yea, we’ve all seen those adults who are…children. Obnoxious and immature, those who empower you by yelling. Those are things children do. And those are people who have not gone through the process of becoming an adult.
Adult. The word is so dull isn’t it? So…black and white. The word “kid” is colorful…joyful.
Why is that anyway?

Is it really true that childhood is better than adulthood?
Sure, we get to nap and eat whatever we want and not gain weight, but if you think about it; we barely had freedom.
Hell we couldn’t even go to the bathroom without someone holding our hand. We couldn’t move two feet away from our parents in crowded places. And some kids are even attached to leeches now.
…I know.

And we longed for that freedom. All we wanted to do was wear our own heels and dresses and go out and watch as much TV as we wanted and eat as much McDonald’s as possible.
But now…we want to go back to the old days where people were changing our diapers and feeding us goo with a spoon.

And there we go again, going back into ourselves, reflecting, and trying to protect our fragile souls from growing up and getting hit.

Boom boom bang, boom boom boom bang.

Mad World.

I think intelligence is probably the most attractive feature someone can have. There really isn't anything sexier than a big brain.

I don’t understand how some people can be fine with just the looks. Just the perfect hair and six pack. They’re completely okay being left with the dull, empty space between their partner’s ears and nothing else inside but air. The conversations about nothing, the small constant wish inside them that they could have an intellectual discussion with their loved one every once in a while. How can they just live with it?

Brains to me are beautiful. I don’t look at someone and think “they’re pretty” or “they’re ugly”. I always wait until they open their mouths and fill my ears with their knowledge and personality. Or lack of.

Then they’re pretty. Or…not.
I know I'm not the only one who thinks a boy with no sense of intellect is completely unattractive.
..I hope I'm not.

The six pack, the muscles, the nice smile- it all goes away with time.
The brain is the one to go last.
That’s something I always like to remind myself.

There are too many guys with big heads.
Too many good looking men that simply don’t see anyone else around them. Sometimes literally.
I blame the girls who throw themselves at them. Come on women, have some dignity. At least it'll bring them back to Earth for a little.

I mean, do "cute" guys get that much, that they can’t even acknowledge someone who’s not unzipping their pants?
It’s insane. Good looking guys are simply un…approachable to most people.
To me- they’re just un…attractive.

Looks are mostly just an excuse to judge someone.
Just an excuse to say “what a cute couple” or “he’s too good for her”. How would people know unless they actually got to know both of them? Just by watching from outside the bubble?
And it's unbelievable what superficial things like this do to us.
Self consciousness, eating disorders, mental instability.
Just because of the way you look. Because of the way your body was made.
It’s disgusting what something as surfaced as the way your face happened to be arranged, is what really matters in this world nowadays.

There are even websites in which you must be “beautiful” to stay on it. If you’re not “pretty” enough, or what society believes is “pretty”, you get kicked off the site. Why? Cause nobody cares about your personality. Just about how big your tits are.

Like they say; It’s a mad world.
…Maybe a little too mad.

I heard from somebody today, that 99% of what we see is just fabricated by our government.
As in- we never see the truth. As in- we could be living in some constructed fairytale.
...Nightmare*

Being born into a lie, and dying with just the knowledge of misleading nothings, can you believe that?
Being told that all I know is…manufactured, took me by surprise. It’s one of those things you keep far in the back or your mind, but don’t really acknowledge until it’s mentioned. And when it is... you just say "oh wow."

For all we know, we could be hooked up to machines in a lab somewhere in space. Being controlled by stiffs in lab coats.
And why do we have so many unsolved mysteries? Why don’t we revolt, and get mass groups of people to question the government’s actions every second of the day until our questions are answered?

Because people simply…leave it alone.
After all, we’ve been told our whole lives that ignorance is bliss.

Maybe that was just a lie too.

Withdrawl Symptoms of a Newlywed.

Can you believe how attached we become to some things? 
To some people?
How much we begin to love something so much we crave it constantly?

What a lot of people don't notice is that another synonym for love is need. 
Wanting someone so bad that you would do anything just to get a glimpse of their smile.
Needing that embrace, their scent, or even their voice in your presence right then and there to make you feel on top of the world. 
Soon enough the need becomes so strong, you don't even feel the same without them.
As if they're they only ones who occupy your mind. Your dreams. 
Knowing that they would be the only thing to make you feel better.
You just...need it. You need them.

Kinda sounds like a drug, doesn't it?
It's weird.
Like I said- love is a drug.
It's some kind of weird mystery that one can only know, if they try it.  
You get one taste and you crave it forever.
You never try, and curiosity just embodies you.
It's hard to think rationally when you've only got it in your system.

Eh it's dumb.
There's no concrete definition for love anyway. Every single person wants, feels, and gives love differently.

I don't get people who have the nerve to tell you you're not in love.
Why aren't you, because it doesn't match their description?
It shouldn't. Why would we even want our love to be the same as everyone else's anyway?

But enough of this love crap.

My hair's getting long.
I feel like rapunzel. Considering my hair was up to my ears a year ago.
It's the Florida humidity.

Isn't it scary how our appearance changes so quickly?
Well, they say these are the years our looks form and mold the most.
That's why it's the hardest. 
We don't look the same as we did a year ago. Or even 6 months ago.
This is what contributes to our "teenage identity crisis."
The whole "you're still finding out who you are."
Maybe I just want to be sure already.
I know I'm sick of considering who to be everyday.
Hell, there's a million directions this could go.

We all dislike that paniked feeling, wondering if you'll ever figure out who you actually are. Who you're meant to be.
Apparently it all falls into place in our 17's. For girls at least.
We all know it takes longer for guys to mature. They won't stop changing until they hit 20.
I know right? What a drag.
Yep, they'll still be unstable and confused for a long while.

Well how can we blame them? It's not like as girls we ever know what we want. One second we're happy, the next we're having the worst day, then all of a sudden we need chocolate.
All guys need, is video games and beer.
And us of course.
We provide most of their entertainment and cause of thought process.
What would they do without our mind games?

The thing they don't know is that most of the time, we don't even do it on purpose. We don't realize we torture them mentally.
It's like toying with them is built into us, and we only use it when we need to. 
Most of us don't enjoy it, although it is sometimes nessesary.

We're a rather complicated species.
And I think guys aren't as simple as we like to think they are.
Think about it; they've got all the pressure.

It's hard to be a guy. They have to act like what is socially acceptable.
(sigh) blame society.

A guy has to carry his family name, he has to have a bunch of kids and marry, and then he has to provide for that family.
A man without a job, isn't acceptable to themselves. It never was. Even with women making the money nowadays,  a man would still feel shameful without at least contributing to some of the funds. 

Then again being a woman sure isn't easy. I think everyone knows that.
Especially with all the PMS rants we have about how hard it is to be a girl.
We have to give birth, take care of the kids, go through pain every single month. We have to look good, in order to be approachable. We have to go through terrible mood swings that attack at the worst times. 

It's tough being human, isn't it?
Sometimes I just wish I could be a cat.
I'd eat, sleep, explore. Every single day of my life would just consist of those three things which seem to be euphoric to teenagers.
And all I would have to worry about would be which lizard I'd be chasing that day.
No boy problems, no mood swings, no identity crisis. Just lizards.