Jump In, The Water's Fine.

Change is good.
…sometimes.
Well, most of the time.
It really all depends on whether you want it or not.
There can be change you cannot control, change you have to just go along with.
Or there can be the change that you conduct, for your own good.
Either way, it’s all a scary process.
First you decide on impulse. “yes. I need to do this. Let’s do it now.”
Or it could be, “let’s just get it over with. Like a bandaid.”
You just want to jump into it and not look back.

Then of course, there’s the thinking. All these thoughts come in that you don’t want in your head.
“Should I really do it? Do I really want to? Oh, god I don’t wanna do this…”
And your head just becomes this mashup of uncertainty that you wish you could just get rid of.
Then you spend days comparing how your life would be; better or worse. And those thoughts are still there bothering that part of you that wishes they could just go through with it.
But in this jumble of disorder and doubt in our heads, there’s that tiny voice.
Our “pusher” that says, JUST DO IT ALREADY.
Little by little the nagging ones disappear and your mind simply tells you to go for it.

So, like all situations we’re scared in, we just close our eyes and hold our breath.
Kind of like…walking into the fire.
We go towards the change in hopes that life will be better, more improved than what we had before.
You tell yourself you must do it for your own sake; nobody else’s.
The constant reminder of your own happiness comes to mind every time you stray from it.
And of course there are the people who tell you to go for it, and those who tell you your life is fine the way it is.
Which of course, ignites the chaos once again.
And our mind just won’t shut up until we finally look up, clench our jaw, and take our first painful step into those crackling flames.

Gimme Some.

Last night at 4 in the morning, I was dumped via text message.

Eh, maybe not "dumped".

But I'm not ashamed to admit that a certain someone simply didn't want me anymore. 
Even though I was "all they needed" a day ago.
But hey, I'm a teenager. It happens.
People lie, or change their minds, or want other things.
Can we blame them?
...yes.

 
Cried until 6 in the morning, then finally managed to fall asleep.
But you know what? 
I feel fine. 

Instead of spending my day in my room crying, being miserable, and eating my way to "happiness", I spent my day volunteering for Haiti relief.
From the minute I woke up, I spent the day packing clothes and shoes and medicine and blankets- you name it- into garbage bags to send off to people who actually need it a hell of a lot more than I do.
People whose problems are one million times worse than any of mine.

We drove to the American Airlines Arena and unloaded a moving van filled with medical supplies and clothes and canned food. And water- so much water.
I can't even describe the feeling you get when you see a room invaded with an incredible amount of supplies to send to people who really need them. It's amazing.
Remember what I said about feeling better when you spend your time giving?
I don't feel an ounce of sadness or pain. 
....right now.
But it really is true. When you devote your time to giving to people with problems, yours seem to disappear. They seem...tiny.
And it's a great feeling. Knowing that what you're doing will make others happy and well.
It's enough to soothe the soul.
Now when I feel like crying, I just wanna buy a bunch of canned food and give it to the poor, or help out at a soup kitchen.

Seems like a healthy way to feel better to me.
I guess it seems selfish but at the same time, it's not. 

You should try it. You can trust me.
But you don't have to go through a breakup or have a bad day to volunteer, you should just do it. Because giving and helping others is the best form of satisfaction one can have. 
And you can quote me.

I can't wait for those supplies to be shipped out.
But enough of this world changing talk.

I like people who give rather than take.
They seem so much...happier for some reason. So much lighter.
People who just take without giving in return are miserable. As if they're never pleased. 
I've dealt with people who would barely give to anybody- whether it was emotionally or physically- and they were never satisfied. 
Neither were their partners.
Take this note- if someone is asking you to give more, listen. Because they're probably right. 
Unless you've run out of money by pampering them or you can't function due to the excessive amounts of attention you've devoted to them.
Then they're just crazy.
...and you could be too.
 
Okay now I'm just babbling.
It's the coping Davina.
She's trying to make herself feel better by telling you ways to make yourself feel better.
But no need to worry about me; I'm fine. I'm always fine.
And if I'm not- I'll just keep telling myself I am until it actually comes true.
....now where's the nearest soup kitchen?

Honestly.

The truth hurts. We all know it does.
But we grew up thinking it was right to tell the truth; to never lie. I mean, our biggest fear was to end up like the little boy who cried wolf, right?
So…why do people become so upset when you tell them the truth about themselves? Why do friends become mad when you tell them their boyfriend is cheating on them, or you don’t like their new style?
Aren’t you supposed to do that? Supposed to tell the truth like you were taught to?

Nobody wants to hear the truth about themselves. One of the reasons being: we already know. We recognize our flaws; physical and mental. Hell, we know ourselves better than anyone. We spent our whole lives with ourselves.
But if we know the truth, why do we hate when someone reminds us we’re selfish or our outfit doesn’t look so great if we already are aware of it?

Well we all have that little place inside us. The spot in our heart where all of our insecurities, fears, and hate for things we do ourselves, hide. There’s something about other people reminding us of them that just hits it hard.
We try to leave that place alone. Sure we acknowledge it, but we wouldn’t visit it everyday.

There are good truths of course; whether your hair looks nice, whether you lost weight, stuff like that, that touches our happy place. That tiny, tiny place in our heart that keeps all the things we actually like about ourselves.
Even if it’s only one or two things.
Why is it that we feel so good and confident during the rest of the day when we hear we look cute? And why do we feel so horrible and introverted when we’re told we look weird without any makeup on?
It’s those little darts that hit our targets of confidence- and insecurity. And having other people affirm the things we hide deep inside the depths of our souls, honestly just makes us vulnerable. Like our soul is suddenly bare and on a silver platter for everyone to dissect.
When we’re reminded of the good things, we like our soul to open up. We want people to see all the good things we think we are capable of being. Suddenly we say inside “well…there are other good things about me, right?” And we notice our head is held a little bit higher when we walk the halls.


But back to lying.
For some reason as we grow up, we begin to learn that sometimes lying can “protect” people.
“I didn’t tell you about your cheating boyfriend because I didn’t want you to get sad. I was just trying to prevent you from getting hurt.”
“I told you I had a family thing because I didn’t want you to feel bad that I had another party to go to.”

It’s like suddenly, everything we learned about lying and its horrible outcomes, just disappears.
Suddenly it’s okay to lie because you’re preventing pain. But in the end, aren’t we just causing it?
“White Lies” as we call them.
We even have a name for lying with “exceptions.

Of course- being humans- we use the lessons we are taught since day one. Sharing is caring, violence is wrong, don’t eat paste. We grew up to think lying wasn’t okay. And that we’d be devoured by a wolf if we did it.
So we walk around as kids, calling overweight people fat, and ugly people ugly. Because- that was the truth. And we did what we were told was right to do.
But as we grew older, it suddenly became totally outrageous to say those things to people.
All because the hard truth hurts.
And that’s what they should teach us when we’re merely tikes. It’ll definitely save a lot of confusion and trouble, I’ll tell you that.

There’s also that whole “just kidding” phrase, which, come on, is basically used to cancel out a true statement or make it seem less harsh; like you really didn’t mean it.
“Yeah? Well your hair is weird. …just kidding, just kidding!”
And sometimes we don’t even remember what people say after that phrase is said!
It’s like it’s completely erased from our minds within thirty seconds just because they said those two words which really mean, “that’s not the truth” or “I didn’t really mean it.”

But truth and lying will always be one of those weird unsolved theories that we can’t figure out. They will always have exceptions and certain circumstances. Lying isn’t okay, yet sometimes it is, and telling the truth is okay, even though sometimes it isn’t.
Doesn’t make much sense does it?

Then again why should things make sense?
After all, things are more fun when they don’t.

We all need complicated things to keep us busy with our boring lives.

…Just kidding.