But I'm Just A Kid...

Boom Boom Bang, I got the fire.

I’ve recently fallen in love with Ke$ha. I think it might be because she sounds like she’s wasted while she speaks. Even though she’s not.

And I kind of admire those people who aren’t afraid to show they’re damaged.
People like Courtney Love or …I don’t know, Amy Winehouse. You know; screw ups.
Because they don’t cover up their vulnerability like most of us do. They don’t put some tough armor on and doubt every accusation they receive.
They simply say, “Here I am, I’m messed up. I’m a drunk. Don’t feel like hiding it.” And I truly admire their brave souls.

It is hard to show who we really are. One of the reasons being we’re so afraid of judgment. One of our biggest fears is being conceived as someone we are not. Having our soul out in the open for everyone to glare at and look into and make up what they want to.
So, we shield ourselves. Something we learned when we were merely tots. When that kid called us a “nose picker” or “infested with cooties”.
We automatically went into this state. Going into our own selves and staying there because it felt safe.
That’s what we believed was the right thing to do. After all, it is our body’s natural response.

When we get older, we resort to things that make us feel better. Good and bad.
Drinking, drugs, food, they’re all things that make us feel protected. Like our soul is buried so far deep that we can’t even see it ourselves. So nobody else can see it right?
It’s weird, huh? Things we obtain as children that we carry around with us forever?
I mean, it’s all about the foundation.
If a kid doesn’t have a good ground, they have nothing. You can’t teach someone manners, or that “sharing is caring” at eighteen. Our brains are pretty much done molding by then. It’s simply finished. And everything we have collected has been stored. So we just do it. Either out of habit or just unconsciously.

Gimme boom boom bang.

The thing about us is that we never do grow up. I mean, we take responsibility for ourselves eventually, but do we ever wake up in a business suit, or to find we’re three times our size?
It’s all a gradual process that is…fairly hard.
Hell, some people don’t even grow up.
Yea, we’ve all seen those adults who are…children. Obnoxious and immature, those who empower you by yelling. Those are things children do. And those are people who have not gone through the process of becoming an adult.
Adult. The word is so dull isn’t it? So…black and white. The word “kid” is colorful…joyful.
Why is that anyway?

Is it really true that childhood is better than adulthood?
Sure, we get to nap and eat whatever we want and not gain weight, but if you think about it; we barely had freedom.
Hell we couldn’t even go to the bathroom without someone holding our hand. We couldn’t move two feet away from our parents in crowded places. And some kids are even attached to leeches now.
…I know.

And we longed for that freedom. All we wanted to do was wear our own heels and dresses and go out and watch as much TV as we wanted and eat as much McDonald’s as possible.
But now…we want to go back to the old days where people were changing our diapers and feeding us goo with a spoon.

And there we go again, going back into ourselves, reflecting, and trying to protect our fragile souls from growing up and getting hit.

Boom boom bang, boom boom boom bang.