Goodbye Two Thousand Nine.

I think smart girls will never be with someone perfect.
I mean, think about it. They’re minds are always running, always thinking of new things, always getting bored so easily. That’s why they need someone who has flaws.
There has to be something to look for, something to have to find each day to make everything more special. We can’t just have everything in front of us. That’s boring.

There’s also that whole “looks” thing. People shouldn’t judge when they see some gorgeous girl with a not so gorgeous guy, or vise versa.
When did we all become so shallow?
Why isn’t it possible for people to go out with whoever they want regardless of their looks? Why should we have to be embarrassed to show pictures or facebooks or whatever it is?
Can’t we be with someone for who they are inside?

I for one don’t really care about looks. Part of the reason being that most guys with good looks can be cocky douche bags.
I mean you see this gorgeous guy, and when he opens his mouth, he’s automatically “okay looking.” Then he gets into conversation with you, and he’s… “ugly”.
You see this not so handsome guy, he opens his mouth and is cute, then you guys spend the whole night talking and he’s gorgeous…or just the guy for you.
Nobody should only look at what’s on the outside; how much somebody works out, whitens their teeth, or how tight their shirt is. In the end it really does not come down to that.

That whole “she deserves better” term doesn’t really mean anything unless the guy is abusive, disrespectful, hurting her etc.
If he’s not on the cute side, or the extremely romantic type or any of those “luxuries”, we shouldn’t complain unless they’re necessities to us. But believe it or not there are people who don’t need roses or shiny jewelry to make them happy. Maybe that girl doesn’t need anything but for her boyfriend to just be there for her whenever.

So when you see some pretty girl with a guy who doesn’t look so great, think twice. Maybe there’s something about him that is pretty cool.

But enough of me trying to be a love doctor.

It is officially the last day of 2009. And I gotta tell you, I don’t feel any different.

This whole “can’t wait for the new year, it’ll be better than this year” thing is kind of overrated.
I mean is anybody really gonna wake up tomorrow feeling any different?
It’s not like we’re gonna sprout superpowers or have our lives do a 360.
Time is an illusion.
And of course we’re all excited because we think that we’re gonna have new beginnings. Which is fine, it’s human to hope we’ll have a better year or we’re actually gonna follow through our resolutions, but life is life and it goes day by day.
We don’t really feel it go by until we look back on the last day of the year and go “Wow. It’s been a year. Oh well time to get drunk.”
I don’t know. Just my philosophy.
But I guess the idea of a clean slate is what makes people so excited. So yeah, I understand.

I don’t get people. Does anyone?
I’ve honestly come to the conclusion that I will never figure out why they do the things they do. Whether it’s for fun, for satisfaction, I think they will always find some way to baffle me completely.

I hate when people do bad things to other people and use excuses for it. As if their excuse would automatically cancel out what they just did to hurt that person.
I’m not a person of excuses so I don’t really take them when someone does something bad.

Sympathy should be earned right? Not just taken or used to someone’s advantage.
You can’t abuse your sympathy because after a while, no ones really going to care anymore whether you were a victim or whatever it might be, if you keep doing bad things.

For example if someone has had a bad past why should there be any reason for that person to make someone else’s life hell? Just because theirs wasn’t that great?

Nobody on this earth has automatic permission to ruin somebody else’s life. No matter how much unhappiness they’ve been through.
I’m close to people who have been severely abused and neglected as children and they would never even think of bringing someone else down for their own satisfaction. They just focus on bringing themselves up. Which is why they’re so successful in life.

As stupid as it sounds I’ll use an example from America’s Next Top Model.
Yeah, yeah. I know.
I watched that show for so long and I noticed that all the girls, who wished bad things upon other girls, lost. The ones who said “she shouldn’t win” went home first.
And the ones who were happy for everyone and didn’t get mingled into anything are the ones who won.
I just always feel like that’s the example that makes me think- people who hate upon others for being happy or maybe even better than them at some things will always end up miserable. Happiness can only be found within yourself. If you’re happy with yourself there shouldn’t be any reason to make others unhappy.

But like I said if someone is bothering you because they’re jealous or unhappy with their lives- Let karma do its work and just ignore the small people. You know where they’ll end up thinking the way they do. And they will get their fair share of life biting them in the butt. No need to get your panties in a bunch.

But it is time to celebrate the fact that we have lived one more year in our lives. That we have had a whole year of great experiences, bad experiences, lessons, and of course the new people we’ve met along our journey through life.
So party it up, live it up, “up” whatever you may need.
I’m just worried how long it will take me to stop erasing the “09” on the date of my paper when I forget to write a “10”.

RIP 2009, we’ll miss you.

Revolutionist Wannabe.

Anger is something that can completely destroy a person.
It could make someone go insane, or even appear to be insane when they’re not.
Anger turns you into a monster.

Of course, our examples of anger consist of the Hulk, who turns into a green giant when he gets upset.
This whole shirt ripping, muscle growing nonsense only misleads us.
Then again it is a metaphor for how dumb people look when they get as angry as the Hulk.
“Do I look like that when I’m angry? Do I appear to be that scary?”
I guess they were just trying to say: Don’t become like the Hulk if you become upset.
Deal with your problems in a less barbaric way.
But of course; nobody gets this message.
I mean it’s like everyday there is more and more violence in the world. People turn to it for comfort, for closure. Boyfriend cheated on you with a girl? Well beat her face in. That’ll make you feel better right?

I just don’t understand why some people have to see someone bleeding or rolling around and crying to feel satisfaction.

I always say the best revenge is to just not do anything and let karma do it for you.
I mean watching some people yelling at each other like barbarians, like animals, threatening, teaming up on people and just beating them up; personally I think it’s disgusting and sad. What have we turned into? It's like we've taken a round about trip back into the stone age where we didn't use words, just hit each other with sticks.

It’s like nobody can treat a situation normally anymore.
Even some adults cannot act adult in a situation.
Is it so hard to apologize? To talk things out?
Apparently it is. And you have to end up with a bloody nose and a busted lip in order to have “solved things”.

Nowadays mostly everyone just veers their energy toward hate and discrimination, and violence. Can you believe all this energy that goes into protests against gays, or hate speeches against celebrities? Violent revolts and gatherings? It’s enough to power the entire world for ages.

I don’t get why we can’t just focus all that energy into love. Into hope and peace.
Yeah yeah, as cheesy as it sounds, we all know the world could use a lot more of it.
I think that’s why people like Gandhi and the Dalai Lama are so significant. Because they’re one of the few people in this world that have devoted their lives to peace and just loving one another.
We definitely need more of em.

Anger can eat you up inside when you don’t know how to express it.
What a lot of people don’t know is, you can let out your anger through something positive.
"What? Impossible."
Eh.
I mean come on, everyone has that one thing that just evokes their emotions and makes them feel completely relieved after doing.
Whether it’s chopping wood, writing, singing, dancing, driving, hell even sex.
They’re all better than violence itself. And they get rid of the same anger you have inside.

And I think we need to spend more time trying to spread love and good energy rather than all this irritation and rage that seems to be traveling faster than that damn Swine Flu.

But enough of me trying to change the world. We all know it’ll never happen.
After all people thrive on violence and drama.
And without them, love wouldn’t even exist. We’d all just be hippies floating around from one place to another.

Then again, that doesn’t seem so bad either.

Hey, I Can See It.

It's odd how emotionally selfish some people can be. How they'll do anything to feel what they want to feel. Even if it does mean hurting those around them, or isolating themselves from the world.
They could be stressed and want to feel relief, could be upset and want to feel reassurance, and by god they will do anything to get that satisfaction. They will hurt, take, ignore, use, anything. 
Then again, that's how we all are. We just don't see it.

I'm watching Psycho in my theatre class. 
A "classic". 
What bothers me is that so many movies thought of as "classics" are extremely boring. I mean they'll have their interesting or maybe even mindblowing moments but there's just so much talking and music and...what was I saying again? I dozed off.

Ah well it's time for the holidays. 
A time for cold nights and the smell of christmas trees. A time for presents and holiday songs on the radio. A time for hot chocolate and christmas cookies.
Things that make us feel...fuzzy. 
And despite the holiday spirit and cheer that envelops everyone's soul during this time, some people would rather not go through the loud grandmothers that do nothing but squeeze your cheek and say "look how much you've grown!" over and over again throughout the night, or the family disputes. The uncle who always has to talk about politics, the histarical aunt who walks away from the table. The grandma looking at you with puppy dog eyes asking why you're not eating when you've just devoured twice your body weight. 
But I think that's what makes Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza so nice. Because we don't get it all the time. And those moments are precious. If we had em all the time they wouldn't stand out as much.
Ugh I sound like a Hallmark card.
 
I guess it makes us thankful. For being able to spend time with our family... or for only seeing them once a year.
It's tradition. And where would we be without tradition?

When did I turn into Topol? 

Oh people are so dumb. 
I searched "how to" on google and before I typed another word, the first suggestion there was "how to become a vampire".
Are people serious?

....so I clicked on it.
And there were these girls pleading, saying they'd do anything to turn into one and get "bit".
This shocked me on so many levels, but what shocked me more were the links posted on how to tell if you, or someone else, is a real vampire. Apparently there are real ones in the world.
...I know right?
But they're not the immortal, shiny, red eyed, fanged whatevers they're portrayed as. 
They claim to be... semi normal people, who are usually pale, and some have a craving for blood. Others just have psychicness. 
It's all kind of weird but I've done my research. And I have to say... I'd believe it.
I thought it was just a mental disease until I saw one interview with an actual "vampire" who weighed 130 pounds and lifted 400 by himself. On camera. Scrawny little thing. Then he scented out fruits, meat, and other things from 5 feet away...with a blindfold.
It was all too odd.

The signs of being a vampire include: if you have a weird color around your iris, if you have exceptional vision in the dark and hearing, that people either trust you completely or not at all, if your skin turns pink when you eat meat, if you live in the darkest coldest room in the house. ...Weird stuff.  
 
And if those signs are accurate, pretty much everyone I've dated was a bloodsucker.
And I'm one myself.

That can't be true. I mean the fact I suck the blood out of my cuts and feel a euphoric sensation that I can't describe when I taste it, can't relate to that. Let's get real.

Im kidddin.
It's only semi-euphoric.

What I've learned is that humans will never stop at just being humans. So many of us have to be something more. Something more than just...normal.
Who wants the thought of being some average joe? Hell, I'd wanna be a vampire or a fairy or a witch. 
All those things seem so fascinating since we grew up with the education that they are simply impossible to achieve.
There is just no such thing. 
No such thing. 
What does that even mean? Well obviously that it doesn't exist, but look at these "vampires". We all thought that it was some fairytale, but now we find out there are communities of them.
What else are we going to find later on? That there are a clan of fairies living in our backyard?
No one wants to believe that. It's too close to the border of reality and fantasy. I mean wouldn't you think you were going crazy or the world was no longer the same?
But here we are pushing reality to it's borderline all the time with all the new technology, and theories, people can't just see black and white anymore, or even gray. They see pink and sparkly purple.
Because that's just the way our mind works.
We won't stop at anything to make our fantasies become reality, to be able to live in some kind of lala land. That's what we all want isn't it? That's why we believe in love, that's why we hope, that's why we dream.
Because we always know there has to be something more than we can see.

PG - 13

So I'm writing a movie. 
It'll probably suck cause I have no idea what I'm doing, but it passes time.
I don't even know what it'll be about. 
I guess I just need something to possibly look forward to. Like a secret dream that one day I'll be watching it on a big screen.

Speaking of big screen, lets talk about the new epidemic: Twilight.
First off, I'd like to state that I don't hate or love Twilight. It's entertaining, sure, but at the same time...completely deceiving.
The whole "guys with their shirts off in every scene" and "sexual tension between that vampire guy and the weird girl who always seems to be uneasy", is kind of addicting. No matter what show or movie you watch, if you're a teenage girl and they involve those two things, you will probably not stop watching it.  Anyway because that awkward girl doesn't have much of  personality, everyone can kind of mold themselves into her situation. That's why they love it- feels like it could happen to them.
Why I'm kind of against it is cause it kind of gives girls false hope. I mean they're trying to put the idea of having someone amazingly charming, mysterious, protective by their side. Basically implying that they could find that.

What's gonna happen when all these pre-pubescent girls realize that the world is filled with douche bags? When they give in to anyone who tells them they would never hurt them?
More than half of the population of guys just want to get into girls' pants. You would be more than lucky to find someone loving and charming and someone who listens to your thoughts, let alone a vampire who devotes his life to protecting you and is so in love with you he can't stand it.

I remember after I saw the first movie; I wished nothing more than my boyfriend immediately turn into a vampire. Every girl wants to feel needed and wanted and secured.
That vampire guy is the perfect image of all of those qualities. Which is why tweens eat that shit up. It's the realist fairytale they can find.
It's propaganda, or whatever it's called.

I don't get people who start "hate petitions" and stuff like that against the movies. It's a movie. They have made plenty of dumb or stupid movies that people love. Leave em alone.
And you're not "different" or "special" because you refuse to watch it. Come on.
Okay enough Twilight talk it's weirding me out.

What else to talk about...

I haven't done this in a while...
That's what she said.

It sucks how two faced people can be.
It still baffles me how somebody can say one thing to one person and flip it around behind their back.
Do they not have anything better to do than ruin someone's day? Take up dancing or knitting. They're just as satisfying.

It's funny how much people will say when they think you're not listening.
They'll say things you never even knew they were thinking.
Most of the time it's not good. Most of the time it hurts and just goes through that little part in your chest.
I think it's called your heart or something. 

We're so vulnerable at this age aren't we? I mean as strong as we like to think we are, we can't defy the laws of adolescence and tell ourselves we're completely comfortable with our appearance or way of thinking.
We can't act like nothing gets to us.
Most of the time everything gets to us. Could be in a big way or a small way, but it does go through that thing in your chest.
God, what is it called again? I forgot.

Nobody understands how stressed we are. Adults just laugh it off and say it's nothing.
Can't they accept that we're not in our mid forties? We won't have the same problems they do. No financial or job problems.
We have school and grades and relationships and friendships.
So yes, a relationship ending is like the end of our world. Because that's just how it is. That's what our problems consist of.
They went through it, we all go through it. And our feelings are not to be ignored just because they're not as amplified as theirs.
It's ridiculous.

We need more sleep than infants do.
That's weird.



I remember when I was 12, my teacher told the class "oh god I remember high school. I would never ever go back to high school. It was horrible. You couldn't pay me to do that over again. Being a teenager sucked."
Thanks for the pep talk.
Eh then again he did warn us.
It wasn't like those sex ed classes in which the teachers talked to us like we were babies. "adolescence is a part of growing up!"
And we bought it.
I don't know about you, but I couldn't wait to be a teenager when I was a kid. It looked so fun, they had so many privileges.
They could wear HEELS.

Then ninth grade came.
...Yeah not all that great.

It's funny how your mind changes too as you get older.
I remember when I would see 16 year old pregnant girls when I was younger. I'd immediately think, "ugh what a whore!" or "is it that hard to use a condom?"
When you get older it becomes "oh my god, poor girl. Did the condom rip? Did she forget her pill? That must be so hard."

Because if you've had sex, you have had that pregnant scare.
Protected or not. It's almost natural to be paranoid until you find the gift mother nature drops off. And then of course we complain about it.

Okay enough sex talk, it's awkward...

Hmph. I'm fresh out of ideas.

Happy Hanukkah Jew Bagels.